SMILLING

CLEAN JOKES FOR SLIGHTLY TWISTED MINDS

2012-02-06T05:47:00.000-08:00

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-------Original Message-------

From: Michael J Doser

Date: 04/28/06 23:47:05

To: 2nd ID

Subject: [2ND-INF-DIV-KOREA-INDIAN-HEAD] Clean jokes for slightly twisted minds

Wall Photos

2011-12-23T08:45:00.000-08:00

Your friends of friends
Thuan Do posted a photo to your Wall.
· · See Friendship · 20 minutes ago

You like this.

Huynh Dang Binh This too cool man, I like it... you do a real real good job my dear friend! (tạm dịch : Đỉnh cao trí tuệ)
16 minutes ago ·
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Thuan Do you're welcome...
15 minutes ago ·
Huynh Dang Binh cái này đẹp hơn cái em Ngọc.. gì gì đó vì có tính sáng tạo và lại rất an tòan. Chỉ tiếc là không đội nón bảo hiểm theo đúng luật nước mình nhưng dù sao Thuận cũng nên đăng ký ngay bản quyền phát minh nầy bạn nhé:-)
11 minutes ago ·
Thuan Do khe khe, troi dat ...ban quyen cua Binh do .... thang quy???
8 minutes ago ·
Thuan Do tri tuong tuong may phong phu qua....
8 minutes ago ·
Huynh Dang Binh cảm ơn bạn was khen, cái này gọi là cái khó ló cái...chắc tui phải lưu cái hình nầy vô blog Joke của tui nên tui xin ông cho phép đăng đó mà...
3 minutes ago ·
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Huynh Dang Binh
hãy tưởng tượng chai bia là cái bình xịt thu nhỏ...

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OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
June 2010 - Week 2
http://hdangbinh6.blogspot.com/2010/06/how-to-hold-beer-while-riding-harley.html — at Disney California Adventure.
· · Share · 40 minutes ago

Thuan Do bee heee
38 minutes ago ·
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Thuan Do posted a photo to your Wall.
· · See Friendship · 59 minutes ago

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Thuan Do khe khe
59 minutes ago ·
Huynh Dang Binh tui có ý tưởng nhét cái bình xịt vô trang phục giống như cô gái trong hình trên chiếc xe harley...
43 minutes ago ·
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Thuan Do posted a photo to your Wall.
· · See Friendship · about an hour ago

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Thuan Do ‎90k 1 binh, tang 1 non bao hiem cao cap, made in China
59 minutes ago ·
Thuan Do hinh doc quyen nong hoi do Huynh Dang Binh
53 minutes ago ·
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Huynh Dang Binh
http://hdangbinh6.blogspot.com/2010/06/how-to-hold-beer-while-riding-harley.html
SMILLING: How to hold a beer while riding a Harley...
hdangbinh6.blogspot.com
· · Share · about an hour ago near Ho Chi Minh City

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Huynh Dang Binh
Đỉnh cao trí tuệ!;-)
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Theo thông tin tình báo bắt đầu từ ngày 1/1/2012 . Song song với việc đội mũ bảo......người tham gia giao thông còn phải bắt buộc mang theo bình chữa cháy khi đi xe máy…
Tình hình là rất tình hình: thị trường vá vỏ xe và đội ngũ bán nón bảo hiểm 3 miền trong thời gian ế ẩm do thị trường bảo hòa, một phần do cấm bán nón bảo hiểm không đúng tiêu chuẩn… nay đã linh động chuyển sang bán kèm theo bình phòng cháy chữa cháy… bà con lưu ý bình PCCC này đang nhập tràn lan từ TQ qua các cửa khẩu lụi…
Đội ngũ vá xe lưu động nay đã trang bị thêm hệ thống PCCC mini để phục vụ nhu cầu cháy xe ngày càng cao và trên đà phát triển…. thuandoSee More
By: Thuan Do
· · Share · about an hour ago

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Fwd: Having a bad day?

2011-12-20T05:03:00.000-08:00

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Re: [2ND-INF-DIV-KOREA-INDIAN-HEAD] Fwd: Having a bad day? 19

FROM:

Chrissy_Lawson

Monday, April 24, 2006 9:03 AM

SOMETIMES IT DONT SEEM POSSIBLE !!!...............LOL...........PERRY

If you are having a bad day, remember it could be worse...

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Row over Pakistan actress Veena Malik nude 'ISI' photo

2011-12-02T19:19:00.000-08:00

A row has erupted over an image of Pakistani actress Veena Malik sporting the initials ISI on her arm, with FHM India insisting it is not fake.

It has caused a sensation in Pakistan for both the nudity and the initials of Pakistan's controversial Inter-Services Intelligence spy agency.

Pakistani media have quoted a spokesman for Ms Malik as saying she never took part in such a photoshoot.

But FHM India's editor told the BBC that nothing had been doctored.

"We have video footage of the shoot as well as emails from Veena about how she's looking forward to the cover," Kabeer Sharma told the BBC's Nosheen Abbas in Islamabad.

"The idea to have ISI written on her arm was mine, and it was Veena's idea to have it in block letters," he added.

He said that the image was intended to be playful, saying that: "In India we joke about this... if anything goes wrong... we say the ISI must be behind this."

The ISI has been in the headlines in recent months after senior US officials accused it of supporting militants based in Pakistan's tribal areas who target Western troops in Afghanistan.

In September the most senior US military officer Adm Mike Mullen said that the Haqqani militant network "acts as a veritable arm of Pakistan's Inter-Services Intelligence Agency".

Pakistan has vehemently denied such allegations.

Pakistan outrage

Correspondents say that the image, which is the cover of the December issue of the Indian edition of the global men's magazine, has caused a storm in Pakistan with many people expressing outrage over the nudity and the boldness of the photo.

Many Pakistanis on the micro-blogging site Twitter are also expressing bemusement at the image.

The Express Tribune newspaper in Pakistan said a representative of Ms Malik had denied she posed for the shoot.

"Veena knows her limits. I know we have done quite bold stuff/shoots, those which are available on our website, but she knows her parameters," Sohail Rashid is quoted as saying.

FHM's editor said he had never heard of the representative and added that Ms Malik had not got in touch to ask him to modify or remove the image.

The actress has been at the centre of controversy before.

She caused outrage among conservative circles in Pakistan for appearing on the Indian reality show Bigg Boss in 2010. She hit the headlines again in March this year by challenging the views of a Pakistani cleric on television.

source

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-16008958

Putin look-alike becomes a Chinese celebrity

2011-11-30T23:06:00.000-08:00

Putin look-alike becomes a Chinese celebrity: Chinese farmer Luo Yuanping from the eastern Anhui province, or "brother Putin" as his internet fans call him, has gathered a local fanbase.
source

http://www.bbc.co.uk/

Cảnh tượng 2 vạn trinh nữ khỏa thân để vua chọn vợ

2011-11-04T20:07:00.000-07:00

Monday, 31 October 2011 09:47

Mặc dù đã có tới 19 bà vợ, song tham vọng của ông vua 40 tuổi, cai trị đất nước từ năm 1986 này vẫn chưa dừng lại.

Lễ hội Umhlanga diễn ra hàng năm, còn gọi là lễ hội cây sậy, là sự kiện quan trọng của đất nước Swaziland, quốc gia nghèo phía Nam châu Phi. Đây là lễ hội vô cùng hấp dẫn, bởi có khoảng 2 vạn trinh nữ ngực trần khoe dáng cho quốc vương Mswati III chọn làm vợ.

Vua Mswati III.

Chỉ một trong số 2 vạn phụ nữ trở thành hoàng hậu danh giá trong cuộc chọn vợ có một không hai này. Thế nên, việc trở thành hoàng hậu chả khác gì trúng số độc đắc. Các hoàng hậu đều được quốc vương xây cung điện, mua siêu xe và sống một cuộc đời xa hoa.

Ý nghĩa của lễ hội là tôn vinh sự trinh tiết của các cô gái và cũng là dịp vàng để quốc vương Mswati III chọn cho mình một cô vợ ưng ý.

Theo quy định, tất cả các bà vợ của quốc vương phải là những người có đạo đức tốt, đảm bảo không làm ô danh vương quốc Swaziland.

Mặc dù đã có tới 19 bà vợ, song tham vọng của ông vua 40 tuổi, cai trị đất nước từ năm 1986 này vẫn chưa dừng lại, bất chấp sự phản đối của các tổ chức nhân quyền trên toàn thế giới.

Quốc gia này nghèo nhất thế giới và đầy rẫy tệ nạn. Tỷ lệ dân số có HIV lên tới 40%. 70% số người nghèo đói, chỉ sống với 50 xu mỗi ngày. 50% số người trong độ tuổi lao động thất nghiệp. Tuổi thọ bình quân của đất nước này thì thật thảm hại, chỉ có 30 tuổi. Một em bé sinh ra ở đất nước này có 75% nguy cơ chết trước tuổi 40.

Thế nhưng, vị vua này cùng nội các của mình vẫn sống xa hoa, hưởng lạc. Hai ngày lễ lớn nhất đất nước, chính là lễ hội chọn vợ và ngày sinh nhật. Ngày sinh nhật thường được tổ chức ở sân vận động, nơi hàng ngàn món quà đắt tiền của người dân được dâng cho vua.

Trong khi thế giới tìm cách cứu đói cho người dân, thì ông vua của đất nước này đã bỏ 45 triệu USD để sắm máy bay riêng.

Bắt đầu đi tìm người đẹp.

Các nhà bình luận quốc tế cho rằng, lễ hội kén vợ của vua Mswati III là đỉnh điểm của sự gia trưởng và nó là minh chứng cho sự tàn phá của đại dịch HIV/AIDS.

Thế nhưng, điều kỳ lạ, trong con mắt người dân Swaziland, Mswati III lại là một vị vua vĩ đại.

Cảnh tượng hàng vạn trinh nữ đi dự lễ hội kén vợ của vua.

Lễ hội ngực trần nhảy sậy để vua chọn vợ là niềm tự hào, niềm vui, là nét văn hóa đặc sắc của đất nước nhỏ nhất châu Phi này. Vậy nên, hàng năm vẫn có khoảng 10 vạn trinh nữ mong được tham gia lễ hội.

Kiểm tra màng trinh trước khi tham gia lễ hội.

Việc lọt vào mắt xanh của vua, sẽ biến thân phận thấp hèn của họ trở nên cao quý. Họ sẽ là niềm tự hào của cả gia đình dòng tộc và có nghĩa là cả dòng tộc cũng được nhờ.

Mời độc giả chiêm ngưỡng những hình ảnh độc đáo trong lễ kén vợ của vua Mswati III:

source
Calitoday

Cháu nội Kim Jong Il trở thành ngôi sao trên internet

2011-11-02T01:18:00.000-07:00

Cháu nội Kim Jong Il trở thành ngôi sao trên internet

Cháu nội Kim Jong Il : Kim Han Sol

Thụy My

Kim Han Sol, 16 tuổi, có ngoại hình và sở thích giống như bất cứ thanh niên tuổi mới lớn nào khác trên thế giới. Chỉ có một khác biệt đáng kể : Kim Han Sol chính là cháu nội của Kim Jong Il, nhà độc tài Bắc Triều Tiên.

Đó là một chàng trai trẻ tóc nhuộm màu cà rốt, đeo cặp kính thời thượng, mặc quần áo hàng hiệu, tai bấm đôi khuyên kim cương, thích lướt web và xem phim Mỹ. Kim Han Sol, 16 tuổi, có ngoại hình và sở thích giống như bất cứ thanh niên tuổi mới lớn nào khác trên thế giới. Chỉ có một khác biệt đáng kể : Kim Han Sol chính là cháu nội của Kim Jong Il, nhà độc tài Bắc Triều Tiên.

Hồi đầu tháng này, báo chí Hàn Quốc đã tìm ra được tài khoản Facebook và Twitter của cậu thanh niên. Đây là cả một mỏ vàng đối với họ, vì Bình Nhưỡng là một trong những chế độ toàn trị khét tiếng, và Bắc Triều Tiên lâu nay vẫn là một đất nước bí ẩn, khép kín với thế giới bên ngoài.

Qua đó, báo chí Seoul biết được rằng, Kim Han Sol sống ở Macao – nơi nổi tiếng nhờ các casino. Anh sống cùng với cha là Kim Jong Nam - con trai lớn của chủ tịch Kim Jong Il - vốn không ai không có được tin tức gì kể từ năm 2001. Theo công cụ tổng hợp blog Gawker của Mỹ, thì Kim Han Sol sắp nhập học một trường nội trú ở Bosnia.

Chính quyền Bosnia chính thức xác nhận sự hiện diện của Kim Han Sol từ ngày 14/6. Trường nội trú nêu trên là chi nhánh tại Mostar, Bosnia của hệ thống trường « Trung học Thế giới Thống nhất » (UWC) do nhà lãnh đạo Nam Phi Nelson Mandela sáng lập vào năm 1962. Hệ thống này gồm 13 trường đặt tại 13 quốc gia khác nhau, đặc biệt là tại các khu vực có xung đột, nhằm mục đích thúc đẩy trao đổi văn hóa trong thời kỳ chiến tranh lạnh. Các trường trung học UWC giảng dạy chương trình dự bị đại học hai năm, và chuẩn bị cho kỳ thi tú tài quốc tế.

Sự có mặt của cháu nội Kim Jong Il đã khiến các phương tiện truyền thông Bosnia cũng rất tò mò, khiến nhà trường phải kêu ca về « áp lực của báo chí ». Bà Jasminka Bratic trong ban giám hiệu trường cho biết, Kim Han Sol cũng là một học sinh như bao nhiêu học sinh khác. Cậu sẽ theo học cùng với 75 học sinh đến từ 34 nước, « sống trong cùng điều kiện như nhau, phòng ở và các bữa ăn giống như mọi người, không có một ưu tiên nào cả ».

Cô Meri Musa, phát ngôn viên của trường nói thêm, ban đầu Kim Han Sol muốn theo học tại Hồng Kông và đã thi đậu vào trường này. Tuy nhiên do chính quyền địa phương từ chối cấp visa, nên UWC đã đề nghị sang Bosnia học. Nhà trường kiên quyết từ chối tiết lộ những chi tiết về cuộc sống riêng tư của cậu học trò mới.

Tuy vậy, thông tin về Kim Han Sol hiện đang đầy dẫy trên mạng. Sau khi "nick name" của cậu là « Khsol616 » bị tiết lộ, Kim Han Sol đành khóa hết các tài khoản. Nhưng đã quá trễ, báo chí Hàn Quốc đã lưu lại được những tấm ảnh của cậu chụp với cô người yêu. Kim Han Sol viết lên tường trang Facebook của cô bạn gái: « Anh sẽ nhớ em lắm », và cô bạn trả lời : « Em cũng vậy, em yêu anh lắm, anh yêu ạ ».

Đặc biệt, các phóng viên còn phát hiện ra được một cuộc thăm dò dư luận do chính Kim Han Sol và các bạn tổ chức trên mạng xã hội. Câu hỏi đặt ra là : « Bạn thích chế độ dân chủ hay độc tài ? ». Và bản thân Kim Han Sol đã chọn câu trả lời là « dân chủ ».
source

RFI Vietnamese

Xì-căng-đan HOA HẬU HOÀN VŨ 2011

2011-09-21T20:23:00.001-07:00

Cập nhật lúc: 9/13/2011 10:33:44 PM

Xì-căng-đan HOA HẬU HOÀN VŨ 2011: Những chuyện bên lề xảy ra trước ngày thi chung kết

Thiên Ân

Catalina Robayo khoe “chim” (nhưng tòa soạn che). Source: The Sunday Telegraph

Người đẹp Colombia khoe “chim”

Vào giữa tuần, trong buổi tiếp xúc với báo chí của các thí sinh, bác phó nhòm của FOXNews.com đã chụp được những tấm hình cho thấy người đẹp Catalina Robayo, Hoa Hậu Hoàn Vũ của xứ Colombia, Nam Mỹ, đã khoe “chim” khi ngồi trên ghế vì mặc một cái váy cực ngắn mà không mặc quần lót!

Thông thường, với những tấm hình “hiếm quý” như thế, các hãng tin luôn giữ độc quyền (exclusive), nhưng không hiểu vì nguyên nhân gì, lần này FOXNews.com lại chơi đẹp, phổ biến trên Internet để cho tứ phương thiên hạ sử dụng thoải mái.

Sau đó, một số phóng viên còn cho biết trong buổi tiếp xúc nói trên, Catalina Robayo – một nữ sinh viên Luật 22 tuổi - đã nhiều lần khoe “chim” trong các tư thế khác nhau chứ không chỉ trong tấm hình của FOXNews.com mà thôi!

Sau khi tấm hình nói trên được các báo phổ biến (có báo lấy một ngôi sao đỏ che lên “chim”, có báo làm mờ đi, có báo phổ biến “nguyên con”), ban tổ chức mới tá hỏa tam tinh, nhưng vì trong điều lệ cuộc thi không có mục “các thi sinh bắt buộc phải mặc quần lót ở nơi công cộng”, cho nên cũng chỉ có thể cảnh cáo thí sinh nào không chịu mặc.

Catalina Robayo. Photo courtesy of AF

Bản tin của FOXNew.com viết:

“Ban tổ chức vô cùng bực bội trước những tấm hình và các buổi tiếp xúc với truyền thông cho thấy Catalina đã khoe trọn vẹn chỗ kín của mình (she has completely had her crotch out).

“Vì thế, ban tổ chức đã phải nói chuyện với cả Colombia lẫn cá nhân Catalina, cho cô biết rằng cô cần phải mặc quần lót, và những việc gì cô vừa làm là hoàn toàn không thích hợp”.

Riêng bà đầm Paula Shugart, chủ tịch tổ chức Hoa Hậu Hoàn Vũ (MUO: Miss Universe Organisation) cho biết trước đó bà đã quan tâm tới việc một số thí sinh mặc váy quá ngắn, nhưng việc thí sinh của Colombia không mặc quần lót đã khiến bà phải kinh ngạc! Sau đó bà đã cho nhân viên nói chuyện với các thí sinh nói chung, Catalina nói riêng, về cách ăn mặc sao cho thích hợp.

“Mỹ Nhân” hay “Dâm Nữ”?

Trước khi xảy ra việc thí sinh Colombia khoe “chim” cũng đã có một trục trặc nho nhỏ liên quan tới trang phục của các thí sinh, đó là việc ban tổ chức đã trả loại toàn bộ quần tắm (bikini) cho hãng đồ tắm & đồ lót Catalina Brazil Swimwear, là hãng thời trang bảo trợ cuộc thi Hoa Hậu Hoàn Vũ (điều trùng hợp ngộ nghĩnh: Catalina là tên hãng sản xuất đồ lót, đồng thời cũng là tên cô thí sinh không chịu... mặc quần lót!)

Nguyên nhân của việc trả loại quần tắm là vì hãng Catalina đã tiết kiệm vải tới mức tối đa, phía sau phơi bày tới 2/3 cặp mông còn phía trước thì xuống thấp tới mức không thể nào thấp hơn; và ban tổ chức cho là “too much” đối với khán giả truyền hình. Sau đó, hãng Catalina Brazil Swimwear đã phải cấp tốc thực hiện 89 cái quần tắm khác tương đối kín đáo hơn cho phần trình diễn đồng phục đồ tắm (tất cả mặc một kiểu giống nhau do ban tổ chức cung cấp).

Scherri-Lee Biggs (Úc) trong áo dạ hội. Photo courtesy: The Sunday Telegraph

Cũng nên biết, Catalina là một trong những hãng sản xuất đồ tắm & đồ lót xưa nhất và lớn nhất của Mỹ, thành lập tại California năm 1907, hiện nay có chi nhánh ở nhiều quốc gia trên thế giới, trong đó có Ba-tây.

Từ thập niên 1940, hãng Catalina đã đứng ra bảo trợ các cuộc thi Hoa Hậu Mỹ Châu (Miss America), nhưng tới năm 1951, sau khi Hoa Hậu Yolande Betbeze không chịu mặc áo tắm của Catalina để chụp hình quảng cáo, hãng này đã bỏ Hoa Hậu Mỹ Châu để bảo trợ các giải Hoa Hậu Mỹ Quốc (Miss USA), Hoa Hậu trẻ Mỹ Quốc (Miss Teen USA) và Hoa Hậu Hoàn Vũ (Miss Universe).

Như Thiên Ân đã viết trước đây trong bài nói về giải Hoa Hậu Thế Giới (Miss World) và giải Hoa Hậu Hoàn Vũ ở Úc, điểm khác biệt chính giữa hai giải này là Hoa Hậu Hoàn Vũ, kể từ ngày nằm trong tay triệu phú khách sạn & sòng bài Donald Trump, đã đặc biệt chú trọng tới việc phô bày, khai thác đường cong của các thí sinh. Nhờ vậy, giải này ngày càng ăn khách và bước sang thế kỷ thứ 21, đã ăn đứt giải Hoa Hậu Thế Giới.

Nhưng tới cuộc thi năm ngoái (2010), theo nhiều nhà quan sát, thì việc phô bày, khai thác ấy đã đi quá xa: ngoài bộ bikini khoe gần trọn hai trái tuyết lê, tất cả các thí sinh đã được cho mặc những bộ áo ngủ khêu gợi, nằm trên một cái giường lớn, chụp hình trong tư thế... mời mọc!

Vì thế, năm nay Ban tổ chức đã quyết định “tự chế”, trong khi đó, hãng đồ lót Catalina chi nhánh Ba-tây (Catalina Brazil Swimwear) thì lại ra sức... tiết kiệm vải.

Có lẽ đa số độc giả nếu chưa xem trên TV thì cũng phải nghe nói tới truyền thống “cởi mở” của đàn bà con gái Ba-tây, được thể hiện qua lễ hội Carnival ở đông dân hàng thứ hai của quốc gia này. “Carnival” nguyên là từ để gọi chung “ngày hội trước mùa Chay” (Lent) hàng năm của các dân tộc theo Thiên chúa giáo ở Âu Mỹ; trong số đó, lớn nhất, nổi tiếng nhất, sexy nhất, dung tục nhất phải là Carnival ở thành phố Rio de Janero của Ba-tây.

Trong cuộc trình diễn xe hoa và biểu diễn văn nghệ, không chỉ có các vũ công hay người mẫu hở ngực, mà cả các nữ ca sĩ hay diễn viên nổi tiếng tham gia ngày hội, cũng đều khoe của tối đa, đặc biệt là cặp mông và phần bụng dưới.

Nay, truyền thống khoe của một cách “vô tư” ấy đã được thể hiện qua việc thực hiện bộ bikini đồng phục cho 89 thí sinh của cuộc thi Hoa Hậu Hoàn Vũ 2011.

Như bà đầm Paula Shugart, chủ tịch giải này đã giải thích:

“Những chiếc quần tắm do người Ba-tây thực hiện dĩ nhiên là nhỏ hơn rất nhiều so với những cái quần tắm chúng ta thường mặc, và nhỏ hơn cả những cái quần của đa số thí sinh đã mặc (trong phần thi áo tắm tự chọn)”.

Nói tới phần thi áo tắm tự chọn, nhiếp ảnh gia nổi tiếng Fadil Berisha cho rằng thật khó mà đặt ra một ranh giới giữa “hấp dẫn” và “khiêu dâm”, bởi vì việc khoe nhiều hay khoe ít còn tùy thuộc vào truyền thống văn hóa của mỗi quốc gia cũng như quan niệm cá nhân của các thí sinh. Vì thế, trong khi có những thí sinh mặc bộ bikini cực nhỏ thì lại có những thí sinh mặc áo tắm một mảnh, tức là che cả lỗ rốn lẫn bụng dưới.

Điều quan trọng nhất, cũng theo nhiếp ảnh gia Fadil Berisha, vì đây là một cuộc thi sắc đẹp, là các cô phải có một khuôn mặt đẹp.

Hoa hậu Hoàng My. Photo courtesy: Misso

Cuối cùng, thiết tưởng cũng nên có đôi hàng về hai thí sinh mà người Úc gốc Việt đặc biệt quan tâm, đó là nàng Scherri-Lee Biggs của Úc và Vũ Thị Hoàng My của Việt Nam.

Scherri-Lee Biggs, như Thiên Ân đã viết trước đây, là một trong những thí sinh có nhiều hy vọng nhất, nhưng tới tuần qua, theo lời một số nhà quan sát của Úc, thì Scherri-Lee đã bị mất điểm sau khi mặc bộ bikini quá khêu gợi trong phần thi áo tắm tự chọn, và mặc một áo “see-through” trong phần thi áo dạ hội.

Về phần Vũ Thị Hoàng My của Việt Nam (sinh viên trường RMIT Sài Gòn) nguyên là Á hậu 1 của cuộc thi Hoa Hậu Việt Nam 2010, thì không hiểu vì thua kém hay vì thiếu sự vận động quảng cáo, mà đã không được truyền thông quốc tế quan tâm như các thí sinh gốc Á đông khác (Nam Hàn, Thái-lan, Trung Hoa, Mã-lai, và nhất là Phi-luật-tân, một trong những thí sinh có nhiều hy vọng đoạt giải).

(Thiên Ân TVTS – 1329 14.9.2011)

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TiVi Tuan san

Hú Hồn. (New Version)

2011-08-06T04:32:00.000-07:00

Hú Hồn. (New Version)

Tôi và bạn gái xinh đẹp của tôi

đã hẹn hò được hơn 1 năm và chúng , và đã yêu nhau say đắm

tôi đã quyết định đi đến hôn nhân trong thời gian tới. Mọi thứ đều tươi
đẹp đối với tôi trong thời gian này - chỉ có một điều duy nhất làm tôi
phân tâm đó là ... cô em gái xinh đẹp của bạn gái tôi.

Cô em vợ tương lai của tôi năm nay 22 tuổi, hay mặc những chiếc áo bó sát người
và thường không mặc áo xú chiên .

Cô ấy luôn cúi thấp người mỗi khi đứng cạnh tôi và dường như luôn để cho tôi 1 góc nhìn không thể "chuẩn" hơn.

Tôi không thể không để ngắm những gì ngồn ngộn trước mắt

Vào một ngày đẹp trời, cô em vợ tương lai bé bỏng và xinh đẹp của tôi gọi
điện thoại cho tôi và mời tôi đến nhà để kiểm tra lại giấy mời cho đám
cưới. Khi tôi đến, chỉ có mình cô ở nhà, cô đến bên tôi và thì thầm với
tôi rằng cô rất yêu tôi và không thể cưỡng lại được tình cảm của mình.
Cô nói rằng cô muốn lên giường cùng tôi làm chuyện kia .. .với tôi dù chỉ một lần trong đời trước khi tôi làm đám cưới với chị của cô ta. Cô em vợ kéo tay tôi đi vào phòng của cô ấy , cô cởi áo

và nằm xuống

Lúc đó tôi không thể thốt ra một lời nào và cảm thấy rất lúng túng thì cô ta nói "Anh ơi lẹ lên ....đi anh em ....muốn quá àh
Tôi đứng im như pho tượng và nhìn cô rất thèm khát.

Tôi đứng đó như vậy một lúc rồi quyết định quay lại thẳng tiến ra cửa trước. Tôi mở cửa và đi thẳng đến chiếc xe của mình.

Thì lạ chưa kìa, trước mắt của tôi là cả gia đình nhà vợ chưa cưới của tôi đang đứng đó và vỗ tay...!
Với đôi mắt rơm rớm nước và giọng nói xúc động, Bố vợ tương lai của tôi nói:

Gia đình ta rất vui sướng khi con đã vượt qua được thử thách đầu tiên của gia đình. Ta sẽ không thể tìm đâu ra được thằng rể nào xứng đáng hơn cho con gái của ta !

Tôi lẩm bẩm và nhủ thầm !

May mình để quên bao cao su ở ngoài xe, chứ không thì ..."Những đồi hoa sim, ôi những đồi hoa sim"...! đồi núi chập chùng (CHẾT LÀ CÁI CHẮC )

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FW: Danh cho nhung ai chua co vo - Dau tuan giai tri 1 ti cho co sinh khi lam viec

Tuesday, April 19, 2011 10:55 AM

From:

"Nguyen Tran Ngoc Thuy"

Các quán cà phê ‘mát mẻ’ của người Việt tại nam Cali đang rầu rỉ vì lệnh mới

2011-07-04T22:43:00.000-07:00

Friday, 01 July 2011 16:33

Cali Today News - Quán cà phê Miss Cutie ở quận Cam có cửa kính màu nhưng không đen sậm, các nữ tiếp viên ăn mặc thiếu vải nhưng vẫn có y phục và chủ quán không cho phép hút thuốc trong quán.

Chủ nhân quán này đang hy vọng mình sẽ ‘lọt sổ’ vì bắt đầu ngày 1 tháng 7 có 37 quán cà phê của người gốc Việt của thành phố Garden Grove sẽ bị kiểm soát gắt gao: không được có máy chơi bài bạc và các cô tiếp viên không được ‘trong suốt’ quá. Mỗi lần vi phạm là phạt 1,000 đô la lập tức.

Hình ảnh thường thấy trong các quán cà phê ‘mát mẻ’ của người Việt. Photo courtesy: AP

Đã có ta thán là các tệ nạn xã hội và tội ác gia tăng bên ngoài các quán cà phê ‘không chỉ có bán cà phê này’. Phát ngôn nhân Sở Cảnh Sát Garden Grove, trung úy Jeff Nightenale nói: “Khi bạn cho cờ bạc lậu và tổ chức quán nhà như quán bar vũ khỏa thân thì thực khách đã biến tướng, không còn là những người hiền lành đến nhâm nhi cà phê nữa rồi”

Quận Cam là nơi có đông người gốc Việt nhất Hoa Kỳ, họ sống thành cộng đồng lớn ở Garden Grove và các thành phố vệ tinh gần đó. Các chủ nhân than cảnh ế ẩm quá rõ từ khi cảnh sát dòm ngó.

Đỗ Thúy, chủ nhân quán Chichi, nói: “Nếu chỉ là uống cà phê thuần túy thì ở nhà pha quách rồi uống một mình cho xong, đến đây làm quái gì”

Mike Nguyễn, một khách quen 53 tuổi, cho hay ông không để ý tới khói thuốc lá dày đặc, chỉ mong giới hữu trách nới tay vì ông đã xem quán cà phê như thế này là ‘văn phòng thứ hai’ rồi.

Ông Nguyễn nói: “Ở đây vui hơn, vào Statbuck làm chi, cả ở dưới Irvine cũng thế thôi”. Nhưng giới chức Garden Grove, thành phố có 170,000 cư dân, cách Los Angeles khoảng 30 dặm về hướng đông nam, coi bộ không vui nổi rồi, vì tình hình đã ‘tuột khỏi tầm tay’ của họ.

Từ tháng 1 năm 2010 đến tháng 5 năm 2011, cảnh sát ghi nhận có 3 vụ cướp, 4 vụ tấn công với vũ khí nguy hiểm và 7 vụ có liên quan tới ma túy trong các quán cà phê ‘lồ lộ’ này. Trong tháng 3 năm nay đã có tới 23 nghi can bị bắt ở các quán cà phê tại Garden Grove và Westminster, tịch thu trên 180 máy đánh bạc và 145,000 đô la tiền mặt.

Trường Giang (nguồn Associated Press)

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Cali Today News

"Phong trào" khỏa thân?

2011-06-06T01:45:00.001-07:00

Friday, 08 April 2011 18:54

Cali Today News – Trước đây, chuyện “khoe hàng” đã bị làm lớn chuyện, thế nhưng bây giờ chuyện “khỏa thân” cũng không phải là chuyện lớn nữa. Thú thật mà nói chuyện khỏa thân là một chuyện “rẻ tiền” mà gần như ít có celebrities quốc tế nào muốn làm chuyện này, thế nhưng, không hiểu vì sao trong nước lại bùng nổ phong trào này. Chẳng lẽ nghệ sĩ không tin vào tài năng và giọng hát của mình mà dựa vào cái “tòa thiên nhiên” để nổi tiếng? Khi sự mặc cảm trở thành đề tài nổi tiếng là thế…

Ba bức trong bộ ảnh nude của Hồ Ngọc Hà năm 20 tuổi (đã được photoshop những điểm nhạy cảm)

Trước đây, hiện tượng khỏa thân của giới nghệ sĩ còn khá dè dặt, nhưng giờ đây, nó giống như cánh cửa mở toang và đang trở thành… phong trào. Điều đáng nói là điều gì sẽ xảy ra nếu phong trào này tiếp tục được “hưởng ứng” nhiệt tình như hiện nay.
Chụp ảnh hay vẽ tranh khỏa thân đối với bất kỳ ai, kể cả nghệ sĩ không có gì đáng lên án. Nhưng, vấn đề đặt ra là khỏa thân ở đâu và vì mục đích gì? Theo họa sĩ Lê Thiết Cương: “Không ai cấm khỏa thân, nhưng phần lớn những người thích khỏa thân hiện nay chưa phân biệt được rằng đối với một tác phẩm nghệ thuật, đề tài không quan trọng mà quan trọng là chất lượng. Nude cũng có những đặc thù riêng. Một tác phẩm nude dù đẹp đến mấy cũng rất khó tìm chỗ treo trong các gia đình hoặc nơi công sở”.

Lê Kiều Như

Sẽ còn nude dài dài
Vấn đề nude hiện nay của giới nghệ sĩ không còn là “úp mở” mà đã “mở toang”. Hình như các nghệ sĩ thích nude này không mảy may nghĩ đến việc đẹp hay xấu, phản cảm hay hay không miễn sao là được… nude.
Vài năm trước, Hồ Ngọc Hà bị lộ ảnh nude rồi kế đến người mẫu Bảo Hòa cũng dính “chưởng”. Sau này, người đẹp Lê Kiều Như cũng đã tung ra những bộ ảnh mát mẻ nhưng phải ghi nhận là cô này vẫn có điểm dừng, tức là trong những bức ảnh đó, cơ thể cô vẫn có… một cái gì đó che đậy.

Hoa hậu Nam Mê Kông Mỹ Xuân đã… cởi sạch để chụp nude mà không cần lấy một mục đích nào

Nhưng giờ đây, nhiều chân dài trong nước có vẻ “cứng cựa” hơn các đàn chị. Họ chụp ảnh nude rồi đàng hoàng gửi cho các trang báo chính thống để thiên hạ được dịp ngắm nhìn cơ thể đẹp của mình. Mở đầu cho việc này là siêu mẫu Ngọc Quyên. Sau vụ việc này, Ngọc Quyên nổi như cồn và thế là các chân dài khác rào rào lao theo… chụp nude và gửi các bộ ảnh “đẹp” của mình cho báo giới để thiên hạ được “mục sở thị”.
Đầu tiên là Hoa hậu Nam Mê Kông Mỹ Xuân đã… cởi sạch để chụp nude mà không cần lấy một mục đích nào. Hoa khôi Duyên dáng 2011, Trúc Phương, mới đoạt giải từ cuối tháng 2 thì cuối tháng 3 cũng tung ngay ra bộ ảnh… “bán nude”, tức là cô mặc độc cái quần jeans và hết. Được biết một số người mẫu khác cũng đã chụp xong những bộ ảnh nude và đang… nhờ báo đưa lên mạng.

Ngọc Quyên chụp ảnh nude để kêu gọi bảo vệ môi trường nhưng phần lớn độc giả không đồng tình với ý tưởng đó

Im lặng với nude
Trên thế giới, sao chụp nude và công bố ảnh không có gì lạ. Tuy nhiên, họ đều làm vì mục đích rõ ràng như nude bảo vệ môi trường, nude để quảng cáo một sản phẩm nào đó hay nude vì nghệ thuật.
Ví dụ như khi nude vì môi trường, họ đứng giữa những bãi rác thải, những ống khói đen kịt… làm người xem, dù chưa am hiểu về nghệ thuật nhiếp ảnh, nhưng cũng cảm nhận được thông điệp môi trường mà họ muốn mang tới hoặc chụp vì động vật hoang dã, họ sẽ ôm những con vật xinh đẹp này hay đứng bên cạnh chúng để người xem thấy sự đáng yêu của những con động vật không nỡ giết chúng…
Trong khi đó, những bức ảnh nude của các sao Việt chưa được gắn cho mục đích nào hoặc nếu nói đến chất lượng nghệ thuật thì lại rất thấp dù rằng, mỹ thuật Việt Nam có cả một truyền thống về đề tài nude chứ không phải giờ đây mới có. Theo ông Vi Kiến Thành, Cục trưởng Cục mỹ thuật, Nhiếp ảnh và Triển lãm: “Giữa nude trong sáng với nude gợi dục chỉ cách nhau một sợi tóc. Do đó, tranh, ảnh nude không nên bày ở chỗ đại chúng quá. Chính vì thế, tính đến thời điểm này tôi cũng khẳng định là chưa có một triểm lãm chuyên nào về nude đến xin cấp phép”.
Vì thế, việc ồ ạt nude của giới nghệ sĩ hiện nay khiến dư luận bức xúc rất khó kiểm soát và biện pháp ngăn chặn không thuộc trách nhiệm của cục. Theo ông Thành, giải pháp tốt nhất là khi biết các nghệ sĩ làm những việc này không ai nhắc đến hay quan tâm nữa thì những người nghệ sĩ đó cũng không có cơ hội PR cho mình. Bởi, sự đưa tin về các vấn đề nhạy cảm như nude hay nghệ thuật đương đại tại Việt Nam đang được khai thác quá mức.
Theo Đất Việt

source

Calitoday

Cafe tươi mát của người Việt ở Little Saigon bị cảnh sát “hỏi thăm sức khỏe"

2011-05-13T18:35:00.000-07:00

Cập nhật lúc: 5/11/2011 12:40:59 AM

Cafe tươi mát của người Việt ở Little Saigon bị cảnh sát “hỏi thăm sức khỏe"

Nữ tiếp viên CeCe Nguyen phục vụ trà tại quán Cafe Lu. Ảnh minh họa từ OC Register.

Cảnh sát Mỹ cho biết họ đã phát hiện các hoạt động cờ bạc, hút thuốc, và tội phạm tại các quán cafe tươi mát của người Việt tại khu Little Saigon ở bang California.

Hội đồng thành phố Garden Grove, tiểu bang California, dự định sẽ thay đổi một sắc lệnh để tăng cường kỷ luật đôi với các trò cờ bạc, hút thuốc và việc các nữ tiếp viên được phép hở bao nhiêu da thịt tại những quán cafe sexy này.

Sắc lệnh mới nhằm vào những quán cafe đặc trưng của khu Little Saigon, nơi các nữ tiếp viên mặc bikini hoặc đồ lót và đi giày cao gót. Những hàng quán này, nằm rải rác khắp Garden Grove, Westminster và một vài nơi ở Santa Ana, không phục vụ rượu hoặc đồ ăn, mà chủ yếu là cà phê, trà và sinh tố.

Jen Tran phục vụ sinh tố dâu cho khách hàng ở Café Lu. Ảnh: USAToday

Cảnh sát trưởng Kevin Raney cho biết sắc lệnh sẽ thắt chặt các quy định, nhằm đảm bảo những quán hàng này không trở thành hộp đêm dành cho phái mạnh.

"Tại một số quán cafe, các tiếp viên chỉ che mỗi núm vú", Raney nói. "Đó là lý do vì sao một điều khoản trong sắc lệnh mới quy định phụ nữ không được hở nửa ngực dưới".

Theo báo cáo, có khoảng 37 quán cà phê tươi mát ở Garden Grove. Những nơi này dễ trở thành tụ điểm cho các hoạt động phạm tội và cờ bạc. Vào tháng 3, cảnh sát đã thực hiện một đợt truy quét các quán cà phê và thu về hơn 200 máy đánh bạc bất hợp pháp và hơn 145.000 USD tiền mặt. Cuộc truy quét này diễn ra tại hơn 20 quán bar, cafe, quán bi-a và kết quả 23 người bị bắt vì tội sở hữu máy đánh bạc trái phép.

Trước đây, phụ nữ thường hay lui tới những quán này. Nhưng trong thời gian gần đây, các quán cafe bắt đầu là nơi tụ tập của các băng đảng tội phạm, Raney nói.

Riêng trong năm 2010, có 3 vụ cướp, 4 vụ đánh nhau có vũ khí, 7 sự cố liên quan tới chất kích thích, 28 vụ cờ bạc và 39 trường hợp vi phạm quy định hút thuốc, được phát hiện tại những quán cafe tươi mát này. Theo Raney, hoạt động cờ bạc trái phép đang ngày trở nên nghiêm trọng.

"Đó là lý do vì sao chúng tôi đang đề nghị mọi máy chơi game tự động cần phải được cấm tại những quán này, bởi không thể xác định được người nào đang có hành động cờ bạc trái phép", OC Register dẫn lời Raney nói.

Nhân viên tại Café Di Vang II thường đi giày cao và trong suốt thế này. Hình USA Today

Sắc lệnh mới cũng cấm việc che phủ các cửa sổ nhà hàng nhằm ngăn các sĩ quan cảnh sát nhìn vào được bên trong. Hút thuốc trong nhà vẫn bị cấm theo quy định chung của thành phố, nhưng sắc lệnh mới sẽ đặc biệt cấm hút thuốc trong những quán cà phê này.

Hanh Le, chủ quán cafe Miss Cutie trên phố Harbor, cho biết các máy chơi game tự động là một điểm hút khách tại cửa hàng mình kể từ khi ra đời 7 năm trước. Le nói việc cấm mọi trò chơi điện tử sẽ làm tổn hại đến việc kinh doanh. Ngoài ra, cô cũng thấy rằng việc ăn mặc của các nữ tiếp viên của mình chẳng có gì sai trái cả.

Nguồn: Thùy Minh, VnExpress

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Ti Vi Tuan San

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida...

2011-03-13T18:59:00.000-07:00

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.
source
http://www.the-jokes.com/joke-920.html

Đặc công nước sẽ quây bắt rùa hồ Gươm

2011-03-11T17:36:00.001-08:00

Đặc công nước sẽ quây bắt rùa hồ Gươm

Tuần tới, khi thời tiết trên 20 độ C, Hà Nội sẽ huy động 70 người tham gia bắt rùa để đưa vào phòng khám chữa bệnh, trong đó có 20 lính đặc công của Quân khu thủ đô.
> Chen chân xem quây bắt rùa hồ Gươm/ Quây bắt Rùa hồ Gươm không thành

*Clip: Toàn cảnh vây bắt rùa hôm 8/3

Trao đổi với VnExpress, ông Nguyễn Ngọc Khôi, Tổng giám đốc Tập đoàn Thương mại Hà Nội KAT, đơn vị chịu trách nhiệm lai dắt rùa hồ Gươm, cho biết tuần tới khi thời tiết trên 20 độ sẽ tiến hành bắt rùa. Phương án bắt rùa đã được trình UBND thành phố Hà Nội.

Theo đó, KAT sẽ huy động lực lượng chuyên trách gồm 50 người và 20 lính đặc công nước từ Quân khu thủ đô để hỗ trợ bắt rùa. Ngoài ra, còn có lực lượng công binh phối hợp lai dẫn rùa về bể chứa.

Trên bờ hồ Hoàn Kiếm sẽ có lực lượng thanh tra, cảnh sát giao thông, trật tự phân luồng, ngăn người dân tiếp giáp hồ, để hạn chế sự tiếp xúc của rùa với đám đông. Ông Khôi cho rằng, một nguyên nhân khiến rùa hoảng sợ, thoát lưới trong lần vây bắt trước là do đám đông quá lớn xung quanh, chưa kể bị một công nhân thoát nước nhảy lên lưng cụ.

Nhiều người không có chuyên môn tham gia bắt rùa ngày 8/3. Ảnh: Hoàng Hà.

Rút kinh nghiệm từ lần vây bắt hụt, công ty KAT sẽ tập duyệt trước khi bắt chính thức, lực lượng lai dẫn sẽ không đưa rùa đi sát bờ như lần trước và ngăn không cho người dân tiếp xúc với rùa.

Lưới để bắt rùa đã được một công ty thủy sản nhập từ Nhật Bản, có độ dày gấp 5 lần lưới đã bị rách, kích thước dài 200 m, rộng 5 m.

Đề cập về khả năng rùa không nổi vào những ngày tới dẫn tới khó phát hiện để bắt, ông Nguyễn Ngọc Khôi cho biết, ngày nào ông cũng ra hồ Hoàn Kiếm nghiên cứu và vẫn định vị được hướng đi của rùa.

Ngày 8/3, các lực lượng chức năng đã vây bắt rùa hồ Gươm. Sau khoảng 3 giờ, rùa đã đâm thủng lưới và thoát ra ngoài.

Đoàn Loan

source

http://vnexpress.net/gl/xa-hoi/2011/03/dac-cong-nuoc-se-quay-bat-rua-ho-guom/

take a woman to bed.

2010-11-15T20:35:00.000-08:00

Subject: take a woman to bed.

What is the difference between female aged:

8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78 ?

At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!

At 78 -- What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you???

source

Fw: take a woman to bed.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010 9:28 AM

From:

"giang thanh"

Latest designs of jeans.....

2010-10-02T09:46:00.000-07:00

Quần Jean cho người nghèo

Thiệt tội nghiệp quá! Sao mà để cho rách rưới khổ quá vậy! Ông cũng muốn cứu tất cả, ngại vì khi cho đồ mới họ lại làm rách nữa thì uổng quá !

Latest designs of jeans.....

Mimi khoái mặc quần gin nầy ,
nghèo dzị mới đáng nghèo ! hihihihihihihi ...

source

Quần Jean cho người nghèo qk

Wednesday, September 29, 2010 12:22 PM

From:

"Huynh Dang Chung"

Bebe Phạm "hở trên" nhẹ tội, Hà Anh "lộ dưới" khó thoát

2010-09-13T18:57:00.000-07:00

Chuyện chỉ có ở Việt Nam:
Bebe Phạm "hở trên" nhẹ tội, Hà Anh "lộ dưới" khó thoát
Sep 10, 2010

bộ trang phục cũng đã được kiểm duyệt " border="0" height="400" hspace="10" vspace="10" width="400">

Việc hở ngực của Bebe Phạm được xác định là do vô tình,
bộ trang phục cũng đã được kiểm duyệt

Cali Today News – Đọc bài báo này, có thể bạn sẽ tức cười, cười vì chuyện này chỉ có thể xảy ra tại Việt Nam. Bài báo viết: “…chiếc váy "lộ dưới" của Hà Anh lại chưa qua kiểm duyệt, sẽ bị phạt nặng hơn…” Cũng là “lộ hàng”, nhưng có sự phân biệt giữa “lộ trên” và “lộ dưới” và càng phân biệt giữa tiết mục có thông qua kiểm duyệt và tiết mục không thông qua kiểm duyệt. Quả thật là chỉ có ở Việt Nam mới có “chế độ kiểm duyệt” lạ đời kiểu này, như bài báo dưới đây…

Vụ lộ ngực của của Bebe Phạm đã đi theo diễn biến khác. Sở Văn hóa, Thể thao & Du lịch TP.HCM nhận định Bebe Phạm vô tình nên phạt nhẹ, trong khi chiếc váy "lộ dưới" của Hà Anh lại chưa qua kiểm duyệt, sẽ bị phạt nặng hơn.
Cho đến thời điểm này, vụ việc hở ngực của Bebe Phạm và lộ nội y của Hà Anh vẫn chưa có quyết định chính thức từ phía Sở Văn hóa, Thể thao và Du lịch TP.HCM.
Đơn vị quản lý đã nhận bản tường trình của ban tổ chức chương trình Diamond Night. Theo đó, nhà tổ chức cùng hai người mẫu Bebe Phạm, Hà Anh đã thừa nhận những sơ suất trong đêm thời trang.

Tuy nhiên, theo thông tin mới nhất từ Sở Văn hóa, Thể thao & Du lịch TP.HCM, đến thời điểm này vụ việc đã đi theo diễn biến khác.

Ông Võ Trọng Nam, Trưởng phòng quản lý nghệ thuật, Sở Văn hóa, Thể thao & Du lịch TP.HCM cho biết việc hở ngực của Bebe Phạm được xác định là do vô tình, bộ trang phục cũng đã được kiểm duyệt.

trang phục của cô lại quá thoáng, lộ cả nội y.
Ảnh: Thiện Tai " border="0" height="320" hspace="10" vspace="10" width="320">

Tiết mục của Hà Anh đã không qua kiểm duyệt,
trang phục của cô lại quá thoáng, lộ cả nội y.
Ảnh: Thiện Tai

Tại buổi làm việc với cơ quan quản lý, nhà thiết kế Minh Sơn (Sơn Colletion) khẳng định Bebe Phạm đã mặc thử chiếc váy trước khi biểu diễn 30 phút và không xảy ra sự cố nào.

Trong khi đó, ông Võ Trọng Nam khẳng định tiết mục biểu diễn của người mẫu Hà Anh đã không qua khâu kiểm duyệt. Do đó, vụ lộ nội y của Hà Anh nhiều khả năng bị phạt nặng hơn việc hở ngực của Bebe Phạm.

Vị trưởng phòng quản lý nghệ thuật cũng nói thêm, mức độ sơ suất của Bebe Phạm không giống trường hợp của người mẫu Vũ Thu Phương trước đây, nên không phải nhận mức phạt nặng.

Cơ quan quản lý cũng đang xem xét, làm rõ ngoài tiết mục "ngẫu hứng" của Hà Anh, chương trình Diamond Night còn có tiết mục nào đã lách qua cửa kiểm duyệt.

Ông Võ Trọng Nam cho biết trong buổi làm việc với Sở Văn hóa, Thể thao & Du lịch TP.HCM, các bên liên quan đều đã thành khẩn nhận lỗi. Tuy nhiên, quyết định cuối cùng chỉ được đưa ra sau khi có đầy đủ thông tin, bằng chứng.

Theo VietNamNet

source

Calitoday

Aircraft Quiz

2010-08-15T18:43:00.000-07:00

NOTICE! - TROOPER JOKE AREA - SOME JOKES MAY BE EXPLECIT!

Tom Heckman gets us started this week. BB

A man was sunbathing naked at the beach.

For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.

A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."

He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly it would lift itself."

**********************************************************

Our latest new member, Ron Brauer sent this one in. BB

Kneeling High Jump Record

Are you aware that a new world record has been set for the HIGH JUMP from a KNEELING position?

The record is 0.757 meters or a little over 27 inches (remember, this is from a KNEELING position), was set recently on a beach near Montpelier in Southern France .

This photograph was taken a split second before the jump -- but it gives you an idea as to how it was achieved. . .

**********************************************************

Rob Ferguson found the quiz for you helicopter Pilot types. BB

Most of you are fairly intelligent folks please answer the question below without looking at the picture. Answer first, then look...





Aircraft Quiz


What is the biggest advantage of rotary-wing aircraft over fixed-wing aircraft ?

Damn, sure guessed wrong on that answer.
Wasn't even close!

**********************************************************

John Vanerio has found a Rat's Ass checker! BB

Just checking to see if you give a rat's ass about anything today.

V V V V V V V V V V V
Nope!
Barely moved for me either.
**********************************************************
Howard Greenfield checks in with this one? BB
RETIRE WHERE???? Here are your choices:
You can retire to Phoenix , Arizona where... 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 2. You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl. 3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town. 4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food. 5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door. 6.. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
OR
You can retire to California where... 1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house 2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway. 3. You know how to eat an artichoke. 4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party. 5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is. 6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.
OR
You can retire to New York City where... 1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan. 2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map. 3. You think Central Park is "nature." 4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual. 5. You've worn out a car horn. (ed. note if you have a car). 6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
OR
You can retire to Maine where... 1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco. 2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas. 3. You have more than one recipe for moose. 4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons. 5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.
OR
You can retire to the Deep South where... 1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store. 2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural. 3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense. 4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc. 5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.
OR
You can retire to Colorado where... 1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car. 2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center. 3. A pass does not involve a football or dating. 4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
OR
You can retire to the Midwest where... 1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name. 2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor. 3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day. 4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?" 5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"
OR
AND You can retire to Florida where. 1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon. 2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars. 3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist. 4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state. 5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
SO MANY CHOICES . . .
source

http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK1.htm

WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

August 2010 - Week 1

This picture pretty much says it all.........

2010-08-15T18:35:00.000-07:00

WARNING TO ALL! THE FOLLOWING JOKES MAY BE EXPLICIT! PLEASE SKIP OVER THEM OR DON'T SAY YOU WEREN'T WARNED

Smokey gets us started this week. BB

The Madam opened the brothel door to see a frail, elderly gentleman.. "Can I help you?" the madam asked. "I want Natalie," the old man replied. "Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else..." "No, I must see Natalie."

Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $1,000 per visit. Without blinking, the man reached into his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour, whereupon the man calmly left..

The next night he appeared again demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that There were no discounts...it was still $1,000 a visit. Again the old man took out the money, the two went up to the room and an hour later, he left.

When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it. Again he handed Natalie the money and up to the room they went. At the end of the hour Natalie questioned the old man: "No one has ever used my services three nights in a row. Where are you from?" The old man replied, "I'm from Philadelphia."

"Really?" replied Natalie. "I have family who lives there."

"Yes, I know," said the old man. "Your father died, and I'm your sister's attorney. She asked me to give this $3,000 to you."

********************************************************

Down memory lane with Danny Horn. BB

The Outhouse Poem
(If you don't know what an outhouse is, ask someone older)


The service station trade was slow.
The owner sat around
With sharpened knife and cedar stick
Piling shavings on the ground.

No modern facilities had they,
The log across the rill
Led to a shack marked  'his and hers'
That sat against the hill.

"Where is the ladies' room, Sir?"
The owner, leaning back,
Said not a word, but whittled on
And pointed toward the shack.

With quickened step she entered there
But stayed for just a minute,
Until she screamed, just like a snake
Or spider might be in it.

With startled look and beet red face
She bounded through the door
And headed quickly for the car -
Just like three gals before.

She missed the foot log- jumped the stream
The owner gave a shout,
As her silk stockings, down at her knees
Caught on a sassafras sprout.

She tripped and fell - got up,
And then in obvious disgust,
Ran to the car, stepped on the gas,
And faded in the dust.

Of course we all desired to know
What made the gals all do
The things they did; and then  we found
The whittling owner knew.

A speaking system he'd devised.
To make the thing complete,
He tied a speaker on the wall
Beneath the toilet seat.

He'd wait until the gals got set
And then the devilish tike,
Would stop his whittling long enough
To speak into the mike.

And as she sat, a voice below
Struck terror, fright and fear,
"Will you please use the other hole,


We're painting under here!"

Here's Duke Snyder's submission for this week.
The Aisle Seat
Terrorists boarded a flight out of London . One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.
Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said 'I need to get up and get a coke.''Don't get up,' said the Marine 'I'm in the aisle seat, 'I'll get it for you.'
As soon as he left one of the Arabs picked up the Marines shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said, 'That looks good. I'd really like one too.' Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it.
Whilehe was gone the other Arab picked up the Marines other shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.
As the plane was landing the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbors, 'Why does it have to be this way?'
'How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pi$$ing in cokes?'
THE FEW. THE PROUD. THE MARINES.

Thanks to my Aunt Jo down in Arkansas for this one. BB
Looks like Arkansas, it was 100 in L.R. yesterday!!!!
This picture pretty much says it all.........

Here's one from Rob Ferguson that speaks for itself. BB

source
http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK3.htm
WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

August 2010 - Week 3

BRITNEY SPEARS: Bị kiện về tội “khoe của”

2010-07-30T19:21:00.000-07:00

Cập nhật lúc: 7/7/2010 5:06:28 PM

BRITNEY SPEARS: Bị kiện về tội “khoe của”

Britney Spears: không thích mặc quần áo. Photo courtesy of Getty Images

Theo tin trên báo Anh The Sun, chàng cựu phú-lít Fernando Flores, 29 tuổi, trưởng toán vệ sĩ của Britney Spears, đã nghỉ việc sau nhiều lần bị “xúc phạm” trước việc cựu Công chúa nhạc Pop cứ lượn qua lượn lại trước mặt chàng mà trên người không một mảnh vải che thân!

Chưa hết, theo báo này, xi-nho Fernando Flores còn đang tính kiện cô chủ cũ về tội quấy nhiễu tình dục (sexual harassment) để đòi bồi thường thiệt hại!

Một người bạn của Fernando Flores kể lại trên báo The Sun:

“Làm việc cho Britney Spears thật là khó khăn. Cô ta là một cơn ác mộng, và tính khí luôn bất ổn. Cô ta thường khỏa thân chạy tới chạy lui trong nhà, miệng thì la lối chửi bới các nhân viên phục vụ”.

Tuy nhiên theo người bạn này, riêng với Fernando Flores, cựu Công chúa nhạc Pop “khoe của” thường xuyên trước mặt anh ta với ý đồ dụ dỗ. Thậm chí Britney Spears còn nhiều lần kêu Fernando Flores vào phòng ngủ của mình với lý do không đâu, và có thái độ khiêu khích trắng trợn!

Fernando Flores bị dồn vào thế tiến thoái lưỡng nan: tiến không được, bởi chàng là một nhân viên có lương tâm nghề nghiệp; lui cũng không xong vì sợ nếu không chịu đáp ứng sự mời gọi của cô chủ thì sẽ mất job, cho nên cuối cùng chàng ta phải xin nghỉ việc, và… kiện!

Cũng theo lời người bạn kể trên báo The Sun, bên cạnh việc bị Britney Spears quấy nhiễu tình dục, Fernando Flores còn bực mình vì bị ông bố Jamie của Britney quy trách về việc để cô chủ mấy lần đi du hí mà không chịu mặc quần lót, để cho các bác phó nhòm chụp hình “nguyên con”. Ông ta nói với Fernando Flores:

“Bổn phận của anh là không để Britney bước chân ra khỏi nhà mà không mặc đồ lót, kể cả áo ngực. Anh không làm được thì đi chỗ khác chơi!”

Nhưng Fernando không có can đảm mở miệng nói cô chủ phải mặc đồ lót trước khi ra khỏi nhà!

Cũng cần nhắc lại, mốt mặc mini-skirt mà bên trong không mặc quần lót do nàng thừa kế “thầy chạy” Paris Hilton tung ra cách đây mấy năm, và đã được cựu thần đồng điện ảnh Lindsay Lohan và Britney Spears tận tình bắt chước!

Tuy nhiên, theo giới quan sát cũng như bạn bè của Britney Spears, nếu quả thực chàng Fernando kia tính kiện Britney Spears về tội khỏa thân trước mặt mình thì quả là… chuyện kiện củ khoai, bởi vì một khi xin vào làm việc cho Britney Spears, anh ta phải biết những thói tật của cô chủ, và phải chấp nhận!

Thiên Ân hoàn toàn đồng ý! Nếu quả thực Fernando Flores bị dị ứng trước những màn khỏa thân của vị nữ chủ nhân 28 xuân xanh, lẽ ra xi-nho nên xin làm vệ sĩ cho ‘bà cụ” Liz Taylor!

source

TiVi Tuan San

A BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE ABOUT GROWING OLD:

2010-07-21T23:38:00.001-07:00

NOTICE! - TROOPER JOKE AREA - SOME JOKES MAY BE EXPLECIT!
Danny Horn gets us started this week. BB
If Men Vacuumed

**********************************************************
Wayne Paddack sent this one in. BB
Life can be summarized in 4 bottles....

S--t, we're on #3!

Here's a good one from Fred Currier. BB

Smokey Guillespie sent this one in. BB
A BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE ABOUT GROWING OLD:

Crap ... I forgot what it was....
**
Tom Heckman checks in with this one? BB
A redneck was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows.
'Twenty dollars' she whispers.
Bubba had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the heck, it's only twenty bucks, So they hide in the bushes.
They're in there for only a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It is a police officer.
'What's going on here, people?' Asks the officer.
'I'm making love to my wife!,' Bubba answers sounding annoyed.
'Oh, I'm sorry,' says the cop, 'I didn't know'
'Bubba says, "Well, neither did I, til ya shined that light in her face.'
source
http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK1.htm
WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

July 2010 - Week 1

...the first thing I noticed is that she's not wearing any ear or eye protection.

2010-07-21T23:35:00.000-07:00

WARNING TO ALL! THE FOLLOWING JOKES MAY BE EXPLICIT! PLEASE SKIP OVER THEM OR DON'T SAY YOU WEREN'T WARNED

Howard Greenfield is a member of BB

For those of you that keep and bear arms…I am sure you are aware of the firing line rules.

"The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government." - Thomas Jefferson

....the first thing I noticed is that she's not wearing any ear or eye protection.

********************************************************

Here's some WWII history from Fred Currier. BB
You might enjoy this from Colonel D. G. Swinford, USMC, Retired, and history buff. You would really have to dig deep to get this kind of ringside seat to history:
1. The first German serviceman killed in WW II was Killed by the Japanese (China, 1937), the first American Serviceman killed was killed by the Russians (Finland 1940); Highest ranking American killed was Lt Gen Lesley McNair, killed By the US Army Air Corps. So much for allies.
2. The youngest US serviceman was 12 year old Calvin Graham, USN. He was wounded and given a Dishonorable Discharge for lying about his age. His benefits were later restored by an act of Congress.
3. At the time of Pearl Harbor, the top US Navy Command was called CINCUS (pronounced 'sink us'), the shoulder patch of the US Army's 45th Infantry division was the Swastika, and Hitler's private train was named 'Amerika.' All three were soon changed for PR purposes.
4. More US servicemen died in the Air Corps than the Marine Corps. While completing the required 30 missions, your chance of being killed was 71%.
5. Generally speaking, there was no such thing as an average fighter pilot. You were either an ace or a target. For instance, Japanese Ace Hiroyoshi Nishizawa shot down over 80 planes. He died while a passenger on a cargo plane.
6. It was a common practice on fighter planes to load every 5th round with a tracer round to aid in aiming. This was a mistake. Tracers had different ballistics so (at long range) if your tracers were hitting the target 80% of your rounds were missing. Worse yet tracers instantly told your enemy he was under fire and from which direction. Worst of all was the practice of loading a string of tracers at the end of the belt to tell you that you were out of ammo. This was definitely not something you wanted to tell the enemy. Units that stopped using tracers saw their success rate nearly double and their loss rate go down.
7. When allied armies reached the Rhine, the first thing men did was pee in it. This was pretty universal from the lowest private to Winston Churchill (who made a big show of it) and Gen. Patton (who had himself photographed in the act).
8. German Me-264 bombers were capable of bombing New York City, but they decided it wasn't worth the effort.
9. German submarine U-120 was sunk by a malfunctioning toilet.
10. Among the first 'Germans' captured at Normandy were several Koreans. They had been forced to fight for the Japanese Army until they were captured by the Russians and forced to fight for the Russian Army until they were captured by the Germans and forced to fight for the German Army until they were captured by the US Army.
11. Following a massive naval bombardment, 35,000 United States and Canadian troops stormed ashore at Kiska, in theAleutian Islands. 21 troops were killed in the assault on the island.
It could have been worse if there had been any Japanese on the island.
****
Smokey is Smok'in.BB
A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend.
<>

At last! just what I've been waiting for. Thanks to Wayne Paddack. BB
At Last, a Cell Phone for Seniors!
You REALLY have to be OLD to appreciate THIS one!!!!

Smokey sent in this method for loseing thos extra pourds.BB

Here's one from Dan Kalahar that speaks for itself. BB
Tracey, here's a group for you
For those of you who don't live in Alabama and think we are a bunch of uncivilized rednecks, well, it’s simply not true! In fact, we have ladies' groups that meet regularly to discuss current events and develop needed home skills. For example, this photo was recently taken at a ladies group meeting in St Florian, AL where they were discussing the elections coming up in November, and in 2012.

source
WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

July 2010 - Week 3

http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK3.htm

How to hold a beer while riding a Harley...

2010-06-04T18:42:00.000-07:00

WARNING!...TROOPERS JOKES..MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR YOUNG-INS AND THE TENDER AT HEART
Alan Benoit sends this in for your digesting. BB
How to hold a beer while riding a Harley...

Ouch!!! Damn that hurts, a lesson from Joe Birindelli. BB
If this one doesn't make you smile, there is no hope for you.

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune. One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die and I will inherit $200 million." Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother! Women are so much better at financial planning than men

Heres one from Tom Heckman you'll all enjoy. BB
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.. There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. Then the teacher realized only Ernie was left.
'Ernie, do you have a story to share?'
'Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Sharon.
She was a pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Muslim terrorists.
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last terrorist with her bare hands.'
'Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?'
'Stay the hell away from Aunt Sharon when she's been drinking.'

Here's one Sent in by Wayne Paddack. BB

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1.. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice!
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana.
6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
9. Sing Along At The Opera.
10. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
11. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'
12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
13. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity
14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

Bill Bowker sent in a good one. BB
Sorry to tell you this, but....
Please note ..After March , I will no longer be sending
e-mails. Thanks to the Post Office I am now going back to
licking stamps.....

source
http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK2.htm
WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

June 2010 - Week 2

Hunting Experiance

2010-06-04T18:30:00.000-07:00

WARNING! - TROOPER JOKE AREA. JOKES MAY CONTAIN NUDITY, SWEARING, AND MAY BE FOUND OFFENSIVE BY SOME.

Grouchey gets us started this week with this unexpected turn of events. BB

A blond city girl named Amy marries a Colorado rancher.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy,

'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'

The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.

Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when Amy sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one right here.'

The man, assuming he is dealing with an air head blond, asks, 'Tell me lady, 'cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?'

'That's simple," she said. "By the nail that's over its stall,' she explains very confidently..

Laughing rudely at her, the man says, 'And what, pray tell, is the nail for?'

The blond turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, 'I guess it's to hang your pants on.'

It's nice to see a blond winning once in awhile.

********************************************************************

Fred Currier shares this great Blonde Joke . BB

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde
declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of
alligator shoes for free!'
The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?'
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he spotted the same young woman standing
waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.
As he brought his car to a stop, he saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With
lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank.
Nearby were 7 more dead gators all lying belly up. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching
in silent amazement as the blonde struggled mightily and barely managed to flip the gator onto its back.
Then, rolling her eyes heavenward, she screamed in frustration.....

'CRAP! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!

********************************************************************

Heres an Indian culture joke sent in by Alan Benoit. BB

 This is  mythical and deep ... Just beautiful  ...
A  man asked an American Indian what was his wife's  name.










He  replied, "She called Four Horses".








The  man said, "That's an unusual name for your wife.

What does it mean?"

The  Old Indian answered, "It old Indian Name. It  mean...









NAG,  NAG, NAG, NAG!"

********************************************************************

Heres one from Smokey!.BB

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of the Granville Presbyterian church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.

"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.

"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the Church."

The pastor asked, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?"

The old lady replied, "$10,000 a week."

The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful! What does he do for a living?"

"He is a veterinarian," she answered.

"That is an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"

The little old lady said proudly, "In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno ."

********************************************************************

Terry Valentine has found a prime example of Courage!. BB





What is the meaning of courage?



Is it to fight a bull in a bullfight?



Is it standing up to a bully you know is going to kick your ass?



Is it to fly a fighter in combat?



Is it to practice free falling parachuting?



Is it to insult your boss?



Is it asking a lady to dance you know will say ..'NO'...?



Is it getting on a football field weighing 150lb's and

everyone else weighs 300..?



Is it stopping a bullet meant for prez..?



Is it recovering from a nasty divorce..?



Is it waking up a quadriplegic..?




Bullshit........those are nothing!

*************************************
 source



THIS IS COURAGE!

**********************************
Thanks to Don kalahar for this Hunting Experiance! BB

I like this one from Rob Ferguson. The only thing I would add to it is a "Pause" Button. BB

that out of the way. Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling
better every day. Then you get kicked out for being too healthy. Enjoy
your retirement and collect your pension. They when you start work,
you get a gold watch on your first day. You work forty years until
you are too young to work. You get ready for high school; drink
alcohol, party, and your are generally promiscuous. Then you go toMbr> primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no
responsibilities. Then you become a baby, and then...
you spend your last nine month floating peacefully in luxury, in
spa-like conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and then.
You finish off as an orgasm.
I REST MY CASE

Thanks to Jeff Kramer for this one. BB
REDNECK FIRE ALARM

You never have to change the batteries!!! I'm putting one in every room! Safety First!
BB: You can also munch on popcorn while watching the fire....

Thanks to Jeff Kramer for this two for one. BB
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.
They had shared everything. They had talked about everything.
They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little
Old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had
Cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but One day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said
She would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took
Down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was
In the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls
And a stack of money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents.
'When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me
The secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that
If I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two
Precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two
Times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with
Happiness.
'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money?
Where did it come from?'
'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'

A Prayer.......
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods;
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death,
Because I don't have time to crochet…

HAVE YOU HEARD?
A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
*
source
http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK4.htm
WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

April 2010 - Week 4

Well, it's finally happened....

2010-04-13T20:30:00.000-07:00

WARNING!...TROOPERS JOKES..MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR YOUNG-INS AND THE TENDER AT HEART

Alan Benoit sends along this observation. BB

INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT SEX:

FACT:
79,000,000 people are engaged in sex - right now.

FACT:
58,000,000 are kissing.

FACT:
37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.

FACT:
1 old timer is reading emails.

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Ouch!!! Damn that hurts, from Bill Bowker. BB

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Thanks to Fred Currier this bit of Knowledge. BB

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Here's one Sent in by Smokey. BB

One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight, starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair all matted down.

We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn't know what to call her so we named her 'Pussycat.'

The vet decided to keep her for a day or so he said he would let us know when we could come and get her.

My husband (the complainer) said, “OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks.” He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him.

My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye.

The vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O’. They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.

The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet..

The MD's waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive.

He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, ”Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more. We washed and shaved it, and now she smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is!” Then he closed the door.

Now THAT, my friends, is getting even!

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John Venerio found a good one. BB

Well, it's finally happened....

...Sunglasses are now bigger than bikinis!

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..Here is some good advice from Jeff Kramer BB

Sometimes when you are angry with someone,

It helps to sit down,

take a moment to cool off,

and think about the problem.

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Here's something we all need under our belt. Sent in by Dan Thompson. BB

All 60 yrs and older. Cardiovascular Health-Simple Exercise










Scroll Down
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NOW SCROLL UP.
That's enough for the first day.  Great job.




Now go Have a beer.

You'll like this one sent in by Howard Greenfield. BB
Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb had been friends all of their lives.
When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day.
One day Barb said, 'Rose, we both loved playing women's softball all our lives, and we played all through High School. Please do me one favor: when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's women's softball there.'
Rose looked up at Barb from her deathbed and said, 'Barb, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you.'
Shortly after that, Rose passed on.
A few nights later, Barb was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to her, 'Barb, Barb.'
'Who is it?', asked Barb, sitting up suddenly. 'Who is it?'
'Barb -- it's me, Rose.'
'You're not Rose. Rose just died.'
'I'm telling you, it's me, Rose,' insisted the voice.
'Rose! Where are you?'
'In Heaven,' replied Rose. 'I have some really good news and a little bad news.'
'Tell me the good news first,' said Barb.
'The good news,' Rose said, 'is that there's softball in Heaven. Better yet all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too..
Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play softball all we want, and we never get tired.'
'That's fantastic,' said Barb. 'It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?'
'You're pitching Tuesday.'
source
http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK2.htm
WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

April 2010 - Week 2

Don't do this at home

2010-04-13T20:23:00.000-07:00

WARNING!! TROOPER JOKE AREA - SOME OF THEM ARE VERY EXPLICIT!
Heres one from Bill Bowker to get us started this week. BB
Two Swedes from Wisconsin are sittin' in a boat on Dead Man's Lake , fishing and suckin' down beer, when all of a sudden Sven says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over six months"
Ole sips his beer and says, "You better think it over. Women like that are hard to find."
********************
Alan Benoit sent this one in. BB
I can't make stuff up that's better than this! - Redneck Hedge Trimming p>

Here's a good one from Smokey. BB
A true story out of San Francisco:
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She reads it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

Fred Currier sent this one in. BB
Don't do this at home.

John Venerio poses a serious question? BB
For decades pundits have been saying that the New Orleans Saints were so bad at playing football that Hell would freeze over if the Saints ever won The Super Bowl.
On Sunday, February 7, 2010 the Saints won the Super Bowl.
On that same Sunday Washington D.C. was paralyzed under several feet of snow and the Government was shut down.
Could this indicate the actual location of Hell?

Grouchy sent this prize winner in. BB

Bill Bowker and several other troopers sent in this keeper. BB
Confucius say
"If you are in a book store and cannot find
the book for which you search, you are obviously in the..... p>

Here's a scary one from Jim Smith. BB
Why Exercise scares the Hell outa me!!

What do these women think is going to happen to all this extra body when they stop weight training?? V V V

Another mystery finally cleared up thanks to Jeff Kramer. BB
FINALLY, SOMEONE HAS CLEARED THIS UP.

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads.
Most of us have naively thought this was connected with tradition or
religion, but the Indian embassy in Ottawa has recently revealed the true story.

When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union.
On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether
he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop, a taxi cab,
or a motel in the United States . If nothing is there, he must remain in
India to answer telephones and provide us with technical advice.

Thanks to Tom Witter for this Navy Joke. BB

The Navy Chief noticed a new seaman and barked at him, "Get over here! What's your name sailor?" "John," the new seaman replied. "Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they're teaching sailors in boot camp nowadays, but I don't call anyone by his first name," the chief scowled. "It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last names only; Smith, Jones, Baker, whatever. And you are to refer to me as 'Chief'. Do I make myself clear?" "Aye, Aye Chief!" "Now that we've got that straight, what's your last name?"
The seaman sighed. "Darling, My name is John Darling, Chief."
"Okay, John, here's what I want you to do ....."

source
http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK1.htm
WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

March 2010 - Week 1

John Venerio wants to wish you all a Happy Easter!

2010-04-02T07:42:00.000-07:00

WARNING!! TROOPERS JOKES - Some of these may not be pleasant for the young or weak of heart.

Alan Benoit gets us started this week. BB
The American dream . . .

*************************************
John Venerio wants to wish you all a Happy Easter! BB

*
Thanks to Bill Bowker for providing this mental picture. BB
This is one of the best blooper ads I have seen. The woman has heartburn, she finds the Gaviscon, then she pours it out. The little firemen coming out of the bottle are supposed to be there. The little firemen put out the fire in her stomach, then she has a satisfied smile on her face.

*
Heres one from Fred Currier that will help you keep your eyes on the ground. BB
Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here’s why.
A couple in Sweetwater , Texas , had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.
It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.
She let out a very loud scream.
The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor. His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.
The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.
About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That’s when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.
The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.
But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.
The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.
The neighbor’s wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband’s mouth on the woman’s mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.
The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man’s throat.
By now, the police had arrived.
Breathe here…
They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake!
The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.
Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.
The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.
Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).
Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.
A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.
And that’s when he shot her.

Smokey sent us this Blond joke. BB
Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss.
Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her.
After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?
The brunette was thrilled to be home earlier... She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.
The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss!
Gently she closed the door and crept out of the house.
The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.
"No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday!"

Grouchy sent us this non-partisan joke. BB
An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting to the time when the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:
· A Bible
· A silver dollar
· A bottle of whiskey
· A Playboy magazine
'I'll just hide behind the door,' the old preacher said to himself. 'When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up.
If it's the bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be. And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer.'
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he entered the house. Whistling as he entered his room, the boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.
Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired this month's centerfold.
'Lord have mercy,' the old preacher disgustedly whispered. 'He's gonna run for Congress.'

Heres one from Tom Witter. BB
As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world. It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither. Harold Schlumberg is such a person.

I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired'? Well...I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background, and one of the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine, Scotch, and margaritas into urine.
Harold should be an inspiration to all of us.

Thanks to Charles for this graphic discreption and the Flashbacks.. BB
For those who have not had the experience.... what are you waiting for????
Colonoscopy Journal:
I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a Colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.
Then Andy explained the Colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.
I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven.. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.
Then, on the day before my Colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.
Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.'
This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.
MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative I don't want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.
After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.
The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.
At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other Colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked..
Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.
At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist.. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point.
Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.
There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate..
'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me.
'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.
I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.
Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
On the subject of Colonoscopies...
Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!'
2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'
3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'
4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'
5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'
6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'
7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out....'
8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'
9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'
10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'
11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'
12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'
And the best one of all:
13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?
***
source
http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK5.htm

WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

March 2010 - Week 5- (This page Will not update for every month)

OKLA ...HOMA

2010-04-02T07:32:00.001-07:00

WARNING! - TROOPER JOKE AREA. JOKES MAY CONTAIN NUDITY, SWEARING, AND MAY BE FOUND OFFENSIVE BY SOME.

Wayne Paddack gets us started this week. BB

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Fred Currier found this photo of a very rare animal. BB

I admit that I have never seen one of these.

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Heres one from Bill Bowker

His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.

He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'

'Why?' asked the pilot.

'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'

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Joe Birindelli is really getting into computer now adays. BB

Computer  Question:

Now here is a  challenge!

For all of  you who keep thinking you are computer experts...


Try
this!

So, you think you're so  smart.


Let's see how computer  literate you are ..........  


*WHAT WOULD  CAUSE THIS TO HAPPEN?

`123490-=\



qweriop[]

asdhjkl;

zxcvnm,./

GIVE UP?  SEE THE ANSWER  BELOW!

|

|

|

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John Conley sent us an Irish Joke.BB

'Irish Viagra' An Irish woman of middling years visited her physician to ask his advice in reviving her husband's libido.

'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor.

'Not a chance', she said. 'He won't even take an aspirin.'

'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an 'Irish Viagra'. It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.'

It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress. The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! T'was horrid!Just horrid, doctor!'

'Really? What happened?' asked the doctor.

'Well, I did as you told and slipped it in his coffee, and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulged! With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare! Faith an begorra!'

'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, 'Do you mean the sex wasn't good?'

'Twas the best I've had in 25 years, for sure! But as I'm after sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!'

********************************************************************

Thanks tp Jim Smith for this lesson in geography. BB

Do you think it's correct?

There is a right way and a wrong way to pronounce Oklahoma .

If you say OK...LAHOMA
You're WRONG!!!!!

The proper way is:
OKLA ...HOMA

There's a gap between the 'a' and the 'h'.

I can prove it.....................

source
http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK4.htm
WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

March 2010 - Week 4

First Couples - Before and After

2010-03-16T18:28:00.000-07:00

Hugs and keep smiling.

April

----- Forwarded Message ----
From: Rikaz Reffai

Click here to get beautiful emails Click here to join forum

Stop emails | Join Us by Email | Join from Web | Visit Yahoo! Group | Join Nidokidos Forum

************************

source

Flag this message

Fw: [nidokidos] First Couples - Before and After (pics)

Wednesday, March 17, 2010 8:02 AM

From:

"ngapoko best"

Aging

2010-03-08T18:32:00.000-08:00

WARNING!...TROOPERS JOKES..MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR YOUNG-INS AND THE TENDER AT HEART
And this from Joe Birrindelli who lives in Sunny Mobil, AL. BB
3 REASONS TO LIVE IN A WARM CLIMATE ONE

and The Other Two

I think the weather is beginning to get to a few of us. Heres one from Bill Bowker. BB
ANOTHER TWO FEET OF SNOW!!!!!!

Thanks to Fred Currier for this one. BB
Hung Chow calls into work and says, " Hey, I no come to work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come to work."
The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later, Hung Chow calls again and says, " I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon......... Oh, and you got nice house!"

I like this one sent in by Charles Murawski. BB
Roger's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their commode. Finally, he got around to doing it while Lucy was out. After finishing, he left to take care of another matter before she returned.
She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the commode. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the commode seat. About that time, Roger got home and realized her predicament.
They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever.
Finally, in desperation, Roger undid the commode seat bolts. Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and Roger drove her to the Hospital Emergency Room. The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her. Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, "Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before." The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them. I just never saw one mounted and framed before."

O Lord I pray she didn't hear that stupid thing I just said. Sent in by Smokey. BB

Once a Marine, Always a Marine.......
On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her wedding night and put it on.
She went to her husband, a retired MARINE, and asked, "Honey, do you remember this?"
He looked up from his newspaper and said; "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married."
She said, "Yes, that's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?"
He nodded and said "Yes dear, I said;
Oh baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those boobs and screw your brains out."
She giggled and wiggled and then said; "Yes, that's exactly what you said. So now its fifty years later, and I'm in the same negligee. What do you have to say tonight?"
He looked her up and down and said,
"Mission Accomplished."

**************************
Old Grouchy found a good one. BB
FIRST TIME SEX .............
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.
The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. 'Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!' The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious.' The boy turns, and whispers back, 'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.'

..Here are some Senior Jokes sent in by Joe Birindelli. BB

Aging

Here's another keeping sent in by Wayne Paddack. BB
A precious little girl walks into a pet smart shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"
She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice, "I don't think my python weally gives a thit."
*
source
http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK2.HTM
WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

March 2010 - Week 2

I was just wondering......

2010-02-28T22:27:00.000-08:00

WARNING!! TROOPER JOKE AREA - SOME OF THEM ARE VERY EXPLICIT!

Heres one from Charles Murawski to get us started this week. BB
A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.
'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?'
The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, So I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.
Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.
Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.
Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.'
**********************************************************
Alan Benoit sent this one in. BB

GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe.
Well developed and open to trade, especially
for someone of real value.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain , very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece , gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada,
self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet .. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran , ruled by nuts.

THE END.

From Bill Bowker. I feel the same way Bill .BB
I was just wondering......

When the Hell is Spring coming????

Getting in th mood for summer.Thanks to John Vanerio for sending this one in. BB
HOW CAN YOU TELL WHEN PEOPLE HAVE HAD ENOUGH SNOW?

**

I bet a few of you can sympathize with this. BB

Have You Heard? How to give a pet a pill



Cats
•  Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.
 Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently
 apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth,
 pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
•  Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and
 repeat process.
•  Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
•  Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly
 with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore
 finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
•  Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse
 from garden.
•  Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws.
 Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand
 while forcing wooden ruler into mouth Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat
 vigorously.
•  Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy
 new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from
 hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
•  Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from
 below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and
 blow down drinking straw.
•  Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste
 away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold
 water and soap.
•  Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat
 in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open
 with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
•  Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer.
 Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check
 records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect.
 Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
•  Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to
 neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from
 foil wrap.
•  Tie the little bastard’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind
 tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push
 pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold
 head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
• Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room,
 sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants
 from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
•  Arrange for SPCA to come collect this mutant cat from hell and call the local
 pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
•  Accidentally drop pill on floor. Watch cat pounce on the pill and devour it.

Dogs
• Wrap it in bacon.
• Toss it in the air

Fred Currier sent this one in. BB
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?” “I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will be $9.40 please.” The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke..”
The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same..”
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. “The usual?” asks the waitress. “No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,” says the man.
“Same,” says the ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, “That will be $32.62.”
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. “Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?”
“Well,” says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”
“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress.. “Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”
“That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man..
The waitress asks, “What’s with the ostrich?”
The man sighs, pauses and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say..”

Here's a good one from Smokey. BB

Summer's almost here ...we
can now see the deer moving
around in the back yard.
Yep, won't be long.

Grouchy sent this prize winner in. BB
Irish Virginity Test Kit
Paddy is planning to marry, he is, and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin. His doctor says, "Aye, Paddy, all Irish use three things for what we call a Do-It-Yourself.... Virginity Test Kit.... a small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel."
Paddy asks, "Aye, and what do I do with these things, doctor?"
The doctor replies, "Before ye climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue . If she says, "That's the strangest pair of balls I ever did see...", you hit her with the shovel.'

Bill Bowker sent in this keeper. BB
If this does not touch your heart, then you just don't have one.....
An incredible story of luck and inspiration!

Can you believe it? This guy wins $181 million in the lottery last Wednesday, and then finds the love of his life just 2 days later.
Talk about LUCK!
**
A good way to end the week with John Conley's "Most" embarresing Moment. BB
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music..
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod

**********************************************************

sourcehttp://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK1.htm

WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

March 2010 - Week 1

a few thoughts about American Life

2010-02-23T18:18:00.000-08:00

WARNING! - TROOPER JOKE AREA. JOKES MAY CONTAIN NUDITY, SWEARING, AND MAY BE FOUND OFFENSIVE BY SOME.

Wayne Paddack gets us started this week. BB

BEWARE OF A SCAM...................

I just had a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world.

I told them to get lost

Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!

********************************************************************

Here's Smokey!. BB

An Amish farmer, walking through his field, notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand.

The Amish man shouts: "Trink das Wasser nicht.

Die Kuhen haben dahin gesheissen."

Which means:

"Don't drink the water, the cows have s--t in it."

The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I do not understand your gibberish... Speak English, infidel!"

The Amish man calmly says:

"Use two hands, you'll get more!"

********************************************************************

You think you have lived to be 87 and know who you are, then along comes someone and blows it all to hell!

An old Pilot sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..

She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying biplanes, Cubs, Aeronca's, Neiuports, flew in WWII in a B-29, and later in the Korean conflict, taught 50 people to fly and gave rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot.'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.

********************************************************************

Alan Benoit has captured a few thoughts about American Life. BB

********************************************************************

Grouchy tells us why Italians can't become Paramedics.BB

Vinny and Sal are out in the woods hunting when suddenly Sal grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head.

Vinny whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, 'I think Sal is dead! What should I do?'

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, 'Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's dead.'

There is a silence .. and then a shot is heard.

Vinny's voice comes back on the line,

'Okay... now what?

********************************************************************

Ted Armstrong clears up something for us after all these years. BB

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next, Chubby. '

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

********************************************************************

John Vanerio has a salution to that parking problem at the Airport. BB

An Italian walked into a bank in Chicago and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Italy on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Italian handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank.

The Italian produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.

Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Italian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parked it.

Two weeks later, the Italian returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a Multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?'

The Italian replied: 'Minga! Where else in Chicago can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?'

Ah, the Italians.... Bada Bing!

********************************************************************

Jeff Kramer swears that this short movie is the "Story of His Life". BB

*************************************************

source

http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK4.htm

WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

February 2010 - Week 4

Damn Economy

2010-02-10T01:41:00.000-08:00

WARNING!...TROOPERS JOKES..MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR YOUNG-INS AND THE TENDER AT HEART

This was taken off Craig's List and sent in by Wayne Paddack. BB

AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2009-05-27, 1 :43 a.m. E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,

Alex

**************************************************************

Ah-h-h Choices - choices - choices- Sent in by Smokey. BB

If you were around in 1919 and came upon the following poster.........

I mean seriously, Would you quit drinking?

**************************************************************

Thanks to Dan Kalahar for this one. BB

Damned economy. This poor child can't


even afford a pair of decent jeans.



It always seems to be the young who suffers the most!








Another Victim of the Economy...




and I don't suppose you noticed that the


'poor little thing' has no shoes!

**************************************************************
This one sent in by Jeff Kramer hits the nail on the head. BB

Don't you find it very interesting that after Monday (M) and Tuesday (T), the rest of the week says

WTF?!

I think we can all relate to this one sent in by Alan Benoit... BB

Old Grouchy sent this one in. BB
A Montana rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch and knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door "Is your Dad home?" the rancher asked.
"No sir, he isn't," the boy replied. "He went into town."
"Well," said the rancher, "Is your Mother here?"
"No sir, she's not here either. She went into town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for you?" the boy asked politely. "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one. Or maybe I could take a message for Dad."
"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."
The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa about that," he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets for Howard."

..This one sent in by John Conley BB
- People born before 1946 were called The Silent generation..
- The Baby Boomers, are people born between 1946 and 1959.
- Generation X, people have been born between 1960 and 1979.
- Generation Y, are the people born between 1980 and 2009
Why do we call the last group Generation Y?
I never did know, but recently a cartoonist explained it very eloquently below...
Learned something new today!

I hear the weather has been inordinately terrible down by Fred Currier. BB
This is a limited time offer.
You must act quickly.
No refunds,
. Cash only.

Thanks to Bill Bowker for these. BB
Random Thoughts for the Day:
I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
There is great need for a sarcasm font.
How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
Was learning cursive really necessary?
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. <> I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
Bad decisions make good stories .
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever.
I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice-mail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
I think the freezer deserves a light as well .
Life is short......eat dessert first or, have a beer (your choice).

Gary Chenett sends us this very educational article. BB
FINALLY, THE 6 ANSWERS WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR:
Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR?
A: It's Braille for 'suck here'.
Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?
A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'down under.'
Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Good year.
Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. But when they go, they take your house and car with them.
Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?
A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch...
AND:
Q: WHAT IS A MAN'S ULTIMATE EMBARASSMENT?
A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.

Uh-O, I see a trend starting here.. BB
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Lee Majors
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Al Gore
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Mike Tyson
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
George Clooney
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Bill Clinton
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
George W. Bush
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Rudy Giuliani
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
Michael Jordan
"I've had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” The third gave me more children!
Donald Trump
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Shaquille O’Neal
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Kobe Bryant
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
David Hasselhoff
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Alec Baldwin
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Barack Obama
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Tommy Lee
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Brad Pitt
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Jimmy Kimmel
“Honey, what happened to ‘ladies first’?” Husband replies, “That’s the reason why the world’s a mess today, because a lady went first!”
David Letterman
“First there’s the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring...soon after....comes Suffer...ing!
Jay Leno

First time submission by Ted Armstrong - A real good one! BB
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

**************************************************************

source
http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK2.htm

WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

SMILLING

CLEAN JOKES FOR SLIGHTLY TWISTED MINDS

Wall Photos

Thuan Do posted a photo to your Wall.

Huynh Dang Binh

hãy tưởng tượng chai bia là cái bình xịt thu nhỏ...photo sourceOLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTERJune 2010 - Week 2http://hdangbinh6.blogspot.com/2010/06/how-to-hold-beer-while-riding-harley.html — at Disney California Adventure.

Thuan Do posted a photo to your Wall.

Thuan Do posted a photo to your Wall.

Huynh Dang Binh

http://hdangbinh6.blogspot.com/2010/06/how-to-hold-beer-while-riding-harley.html

Huynh Dang Binh

Đỉnh cao trí tuệ!;-)

Thuan Do posted a photo to your Wall.

Fwd: Having a bad day?

Re: [2ND-INF-DIV-KOREA-INDIAN-HEAD] Fwd: Having a bad day? 19

Row over Pakistan actress Veena Malik nude 'ISI' photo

Putin look-alike becomes a Chinese celebrity

Cảnh tượng 2 vạn trinh nữ khỏa thân để vua chọn vợ

Cháu nội Kim Jong Il trở thành ngôi sao trên internet

Cháu nội Kim Jong Il trở thành ngôi sao trên internet

Thụy My Kim Han Sol, 16 tuổi, có ngoại hình và sở thích giống như bất cứ thanh niên tuổi mới lớn nào khác trên thế giới. Chỉ có một khác biệt đáng kể : Kim Han Sol chính là cháu nội của Kim Jong Il, nhà độc tài Bắc Triều Tiên.

Xì-căng-đan HOA HẬU HOÀN VŨ 2011

Người đẹp Colombia khoe “chim”

“Mỹ Nhân” hay “Dâm Nữ”?

Hú Hồn. (New Version)

FW: Danh cho nhung ai chua co vo - Dau tuan giai tri 1 ti cho co sinh khi lam viec

Các quán cà phê ‘mát mẻ’ của người Việt tại nam Cali đang rầu rỉ vì lệnh mới

"Phong trào" khỏa thân?

Cafe tươi mát của người Việt ở Little Saigon bị cảnh sát “hỏi thăm sức khỏe"

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida...

Đặc công nước sẽ quây bắt rùa hồ Gươm

Đặc công nước sẽ quây bắt rùa hồ Gươm

take a woman to bed.

Fw: take a woman to bed.

Latest designs of jeans.....

Quần Jean cho người nghèo qk

Bebe Phạm "hở trên" nhẹ tội, Hà Anh "lộ dưới" khó thoát

Aircraft Quiz

http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK1.htm

WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

August 2010 - Week 1

This picture pretty much says it all.........

WARNING TO ALL! THE FOLLOWING JOKES MAY BE EXPLICIT! PLEASE SKIP OVER THEM OR DON'T SAY YOU WEREN'T WARNED

We're painting under here!"

WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

August 2010 - Week 3

BRITNEY SPEARS: Bị kiện về tội “khoe của”

A BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE ABOUT GROWING OLD:

NOTICE! - TROOPER JOKE AREA - SOME JOKES MAY BE EXPLECIT! Danny Horn gets us started this week. BB If Men Vacuumed ********************************************************** Wayne Paddack sent this one in. BB Life can be summarized in 4 bottles....

S--t, we're on #3!

WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

July 2010 - Week 1

...the first thing I noticed is that she's not wearing any ear or eye protection.

WARNING TO ALL! THE FOLLOWING JOKES MAY BE EXPLICIT! PLEASE SKIP OVER THEM OR DON'T SAY YOU WEREN'T WARNED

WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

July 2010 - Week 3

How to hold a beer while riding a Harley...

WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

June 2010 - Week 2

Hunting Experiance

WARNING! - TROOPER JOKE AREA. JOKES MAY CONTAIN NUDITY, SWEARING, AND MAY BE FOUND OFFENSIVE BY SOME.

This is mythical and deep ... Just beautiful ...A man asked an American Indian what was his wife's name.He replied, "She called Four Horses".The man said, "That's an unusual name for your wife.What does it mean?"The Old Indian answered, "It old Indian Name. It mean...NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!"

source

THIS IS COURAGE!

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April 2010 - Week 4

Well, it's finally happened....

Scroll Down..........NOW SCROLL UP.That's enough for the first day. Great job.Now go Have a beer.

WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

April 2010 - Week 2

Don't do this at home

WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

March 2010 - Week 1

John Venerio wants to wish you all a Happy Easter!

WARNING!! TROOPERS JOKES - Some of these may not be pleasant for the young or weak of heart.

WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

March 2010 - Week 5- (This page Will not update for every month)

OKLA ...HOMA

WARNING! - TROOPER JOKE AREA. JOKES MAY CONTAIN NUDITY, SWEARING, AND MAY BE FOUND OFFENSIVE BY SOME.

Computer Question:Now here is a challenge!For all of you who keep thinking you are computer experts...Trythis!So, you think you're so smart.Let's see how computer literate you are .......... *WHAT WOULD CAUSE THIS TO HAPPEN?`123490-=\qweriop[]asdhjkl;zxcvnm,./GIVE UP? SEE THE ANSWER BELOW!|||

hãy tưởng tượng chai bia là cái bình xịt thu nhỏ...

photo source
OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
June 2010 - Week 2
http://hdangbinh6.blogspot.com/2010/06/how-to-hold-beer-while-riding-harley.html — at Disney California Adventure.

Thụy My

Kim Han Sol, 16 tuổi, có ngoại hình và sở thích giống như bất cứ thanh niên tuổi mới lớn nào khác trên thế giới. Chỉ có một khác biệt đáng kể : Kim Han Sol chính là cháu nội của Kim Jong Il, nhà độc tài Bắc Triều Tiên.

NOTICE! - TROOPER JOKE AREA - SOME JOKES MAY BE EXPLECIT!
Danny Horn gets us started this week. BB
If Men Vacuumed

**********************************************************
Wayne Paddack sent this one in. BB
Life can be summarized in 4 bottles....

This is mythical and deep ... Just beautiful ...
A man asked an American Indian what was his wife's name.

He replied, "She called Four Horses".

The man said, "That's an unusual name for your wife.

What does it mean?"

The Old Indian answered, "It old Indian Name. It mean...

NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!"

Scroll Down
.

.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.

.

NOW SCROLL UP.
That's enough for the first day. Great job.

Now go Have a beer.

source
http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK4.htm
WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

March 2010 - Week 4

Summer's almost here ...we
can now see the deer moving
around in the back yard.
Yep, won't be long.

even afford a pair of decent jeans.

It always seems to be the young who suffers the most!

Another Victim of the Economy...

and I don't suppose you noticed that the

'poor little thing' has no shoes!

**************************************************************
This one sent in by Jeff Kramer hits the nail on the head. BB

Don't you find it very interesting that after Monday (M) and Tuesday (T), the rest of the week says