Aircraft Quiz

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NOTICE! - TROOPER JOKE AREA - SOME JOKES MAY BE EXPLECIT!

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Tom Heckman gets us started this week. BB

A man was sunbathing naked at the beach.

For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.

A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."

He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly it would lift itself."

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Our latest new member, Ron Brauer sent this one in. BB

Kneeling High Jump Record

Are you aware that a new world record has been set for the HIGH JUMP from a KNEELING position?

The record is 0.757 meters or a little over 27 inches (remember, this is from a KNEELING position), was set recently on a beach near Montpelier in Southern France .

This photograph was taken a split second before the jump -- but it gives you an idea as to how it was achieved. . .

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Rob Ferguson found the quiz for you helicopter Pilot types. BB

Most of you are fairly intelligent folks please answer the question below without looking at the picture. Answer first, then look...

Aircraft Quiz


What is the biggest advantage of rotary-wing aircraft over fixed-wing aircraft ?

Damn, sure guessed wrong on that answer.
Wasn't even close!

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John Vanerio has found a Rat's Ass checker! BB

Just checking to see if you give a rat's ass about anything today.

V V V V V V V V V V V
Nope!
Barely moved for me either.

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Howard Greenfield checks in with this one? BB

RETIRE WHERE???? Here are your choices:

You can retire to Phoenix , Arizona where... 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 2. You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl. 3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town. 4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food. 5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door. 6.. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

OR

You can retire to California where... 1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house 2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway. 3. You know how to eat an artichoke. 4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party. 5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is. 6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

OR

You can retire to New York City where... 1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan. 2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map. 3. You think Central Park is "nature." 4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual. 5. You've worn out a car horn. (ed. note if you have a car). 6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

OR

You can retire to Maine where... 1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco. 2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas. 3. You have more than one recipe for moose. 4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons. 5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

OR

You can retire to the Deep South where... 1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store. 2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural. 3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense. 4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc. 5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.

OR

You can retire to Colorado where... 1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car. 2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center. 3. A pass does not involve a football or dating. 4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

OR

You can retire to the Midwest where... 1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name. 2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor. 3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day. 4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?" 5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

OR

AND You can retire to Florida where. 1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon. 2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars. 3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist. 4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state. 5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

SO MANY CHOICES . . .

source

http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK1.htm

WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

August 2010 - Week 1

This picture pretty much says it all.........

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WARNING TO ALL! THE FOLLOWING JOKES MAY BE EXPLICIT! PLEASE SKIP OVER THEM OR DON'T SAY YOU WEREN'T WARNED

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Smokey gets us started this week. BB

The Madam opened the brothel door to see a frail, elderly gentleman.. "Can I help you?" the madam asked. "I want Natalie," the old man replied. "Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else..." "No, I must see Natalie."

Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $1,000 per visit. Without blinking, the man reached into his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour, whereupon the man calmly left..

The next night he appeared again demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that There were no discounts...it was still $1,000 a visit. Again the old man took out the money, the two went up to the room and an hour later, he left.

When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it. Again he handed Natalie the money and up to the room they went. At the end of the hour Natalie questioned the old man: "No one has ever used my services three nights in a row. Where are you from?" The old man replied, "I'm from Philadelphia."

"Really?" replied Natalie. "I have family who lives there."

"Yes, I know," said the old man. "Your father died, and I'm your sister's attorney. She asked me to give this $3,000 to you."

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Down memory lane with Danny Horn. BB

The Outhouse Poem
(If you don't know what an outhouse is, ask someone older)

The service station trade was slow.
The owner sat around
With sharpened knife and cedar stick
Piling shavings on the ground.

No modern facilities had they,
The log across the rill
Led to a shack marked  'his and hers'
That sat against the hill.

"Where is the ladies' room, Sir?"
The owner, leaning back,
Said not a word, but whittled on
And pointed toward the shack.

With quickened step she entered there
But stayed for just a minute,
Until she screamed, just like a snake
Or spider might be in it.

With startled look and beet red face
She bounded through the door
And headed quickly for the car -
Just like three gals before.

She missed the foot log- jumped the stream
The owner gave a shout,
As her silk stockings, down at her knees
Caught on a sassafras sprout.

She tripped and fell - got up,
And then in obvious disgust,
Ran to the car, stepped on the gas,
And faded in the dust.

Of course we all desired to know
What made the gals all do
The things they did; and then  we found
The whittling owner knew.

A speaking system he'd devised.
To make the thing complete,
He tied a speaker on the wall
Beneath the toilet seat.

He'd wait until the gals got set
And then the devilish tike,
Would stop his whittling long enough
To speak into the mike.

And as she sat, a voice below
Struck terror, fright and fear,
"Will you please use the other hole,


We're painting under here!"

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Here's Duke Snyder's submission for this week.

The Aisle Seat

Terrorists boarded a flight out of London . One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.

Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said 'I need to get up and get a coke.''Don't get up,' said the Marine 'I'm in the aisle seat, 'I'll get it for you.'

As soon as he left one of the Arabs picked up the Marines shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said, 'That looks good. I'd really like one too.' Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it.

Whilehe was gone the other Arab picked up the Marines other shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.

As the plane was landing the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbors, 'Why does it have to be this way?'

'How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pi$$ing in cokes?'

THE FEW. THE PROUD. THE MARINES.

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Thanks to my Aunt Jo down in Arkansas for this one. BB

Looks like Arkansas, it was 100 in L.R. yesterday!!!!

This picture pretty much says it all.........

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Here's one from Rob Ferguson that speaks for itself. BB

source
http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK3.htm

WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

August 2010 - Week 3

BRITNEY SPEARS: Bị kiện về tội “khoe của”

Cập nhật lúc: 7/7/2010 5:06:28 PM

BRITNEY SPEARS: Bị kiện về tội “khoe của”

Britney Spears: không thích mặc quần áo. Photo courtesy of Getty Images Theo tin trên báo Anh The Sun, chàng cựu phú-lít Fernando Flores, 29 tuổi, trưởng toán vệ sĩ của Britney Spears, đã nghỉ việc sau nhiều lần bị “xúc phạm” trước việc cựu Công chúa nhạc Pop cứ lượn qua lượn lại trước mặt chàng mà trên người không một mảnh vải che thân! Chưa hết, theo báo này, xi-nho Fernando Flores còn đang tính kiện cô chủ cũ về tội quấy nhiễu tình dục (sexual harassment) để đòi bồi thường thiệt hại! Một người bạn của Fernando Flores kể lại trên báo The Sun: “Làm việc cho Britney Spears thật là khó khăn. Cô ta là một cơn ác mộng, và tính khí luôn bất ổn. Cô ta thường khỏa thân chạy tới chạy lui trong nhà, miệng thì la lối chửi bới các nhân viên phục vụ”. Tuy nhiên theo người bạn này, riêng với Fernando Flores, cựu Công chúa nhạc Pop “khoe của” thường xuyên trước mặt anh ta với ý đồ dụ dỗ. Thậm chí Britney Spears còn nhiều lần kêu Fernando Flores vào phòng ngủ của mình với lý do không đâu, và có thái độ khiêu khích trắng trợn! Fernando Flores bị dồn vào thế tiến thoái lưỡng nan: tiến không được, bởi chàng là một nhân viên có lương tâm nghề nghiệp; lui cũng không xong vì sợ nếu không chịu đáp ứng sự mời gọi của cô chủ thì sẽ mất job, cho nên cuối cùng chàng ta phải xin nghỉ việc, và… kiện! Cũng theo lời người bạn kể trên báo The Sun, bên cạnh việc bị Britney Spears quấy nhiễu tình dục, Fernando Flores còn bực mình vì bị ông bố Jamie của Britney quy trách về việc để cô chủ mấy lần đi du hí mà không chịu mặc quần lót, để cho các bác phó nhòm chụp hình “nguyên con”. Ông ta nói với Fernando Flores: “Bổn phận của anh là không để Britney bước chân ra khỏi nhà mà không mặc đồ lót, kể cả áo ngực. Anh không làm được thì đi chỗ khác chơi!” Nhưng Fernando không có can đảm mở miệng nói cô chủ phải mặc đồ lót trước khi ra khỏi nhà! Cũng cần nhắc lại, mốt mặc mini-skirt mà bên trong không mặc quần lót do nàng thừa kế “thầy chạy” Paris Hilton tung ra cách đây mấy năm, và đã được cựu thần đồng điện ảnh Lindsay Lohan và Britney Spears tận tình bắt chước! Tuy nhiên, theo giới quan sát cũng như bạn bè của Britney Spears, nếu quả thực chàng Fernando kia tính kiện Britney Spears về tội khỏa thân trước mặt mình thì quả là… chuyện kiện củ khoai, bởi vì một khi xin vào làm việc cho Britney Spears, anh ta phải biết những thói tật của cô chủ, và phải chấp nhận! Thiên Ân hoàn toàn đồng ý! Nếu quả thực Fernando Flores bị dị ứng trước những màn khỏa thân của vị nữ chủ nhân 28 xuân xanh, lẽ ra xi-nho nên xin làm vệ sĩ cho ‘bà cụ” Liz Taylor! source TiVi Tuan San

A BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE ABOUT GROWING OLD:

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NOTICE! - TROOPER JOKE AREA - SOME JOKES MAY BE EXPLECIT!

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Danny Horn gets us started this week. BB

If Men Vacuumed

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Wayne Paddack sent this one in. BB

Life can be summarized in 4 bottles....

S--t, we're on #3!

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Here's a good one from Fred Currier. BB

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Smokey Guillespie sent this one in. BB

A BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE ABOUT GROWING OLD:

Crap ... I forgot what it was....

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Tom Heckman checks in with this one? BB

A redneck was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows.

'Twenty dollars' she whispers.

Bubba had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the heck, it's only twenty bucks, So they hide in the bushes.

They're in there for only a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It is a police officer.

'What's going on here, people?' Asks the officer.

'I'm making love to my wife!,' Bubba answers sounding annoyed.

'Oh, I'm sorry,' says the cop, 'I didn't know'

'Bubba says, "Well, neither did I, til ya shined that light in her face.'

source

http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK1.htm

WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

July 2010 - Week 1

...the first thing I noticed is that she's not wearing any ear or eye protection.

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WARNING TO ALL! THE FOLLOWING JOKES MAY BE EXPLICIT! PLEASE SKIP OVER THEM OR DON'T SAY YOU WEREN'T WARNED

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Howard Greenfield is a member of BB

For those of you that keep and bear arms…I am sure you are aware of the firing line rules.

"The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government." - Thomas Jefferson

....the first thing I noticed is that she's not wearing any ear or eye protection.

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Here's some WWII history from Fred Currier. BB

You might enjoy this from Colonel D. G. Swinford, USMC, Retired, and history buff. You would really have to dig deep to get this kind of ringside seat to history:

1. The first German serviceman killed in WW II was Killed by the Japanese (China, 1937), the first American Serviceman killed was killed by the Russians (Finland 1940); Highest ranking American killed was Lt Gen Lesley McNair, killed By the US Army Air Corps. So much for allies.

2. The youngest US serviceman was 12 year old Calvin Graham, USN. He was wounded and given a Dishonorable Discharge for lying about his age. His benefits were later restored by an act of Congress.

3. At the time of Pearl Harbor, the top US Navy Command was called CINCUS (pronounced 'sink us'), the shoulder patch of the US Army's 45th Infantry division was the Swastika, and Hitler's private train was named 'Amerika.' All three were soon changed for PR purposes.

4. More US servicemen died in the Air Corps than the Marine Corps. While completing the required 30 missions, your chance of being killed was 71%.

5. Generally speaking, there was no such thing as an average fighter pilot. You were either an ace or a target. For instance, Japanese Ace Hiroyoshi Nishizawa shot down over 80 planes. He died while a passenger on a cargo plane.

6. It was a common practice on fighter planes to load every 5th round with a tracer round to aid in aiming. This was a mistake. Tracers had different ballistics so (at long range) if your tracers were hitting the target 80% of your rounds were missing. Worse yet tracers instantly told your enemy he was under fire and from which direction. Worst of all was the practice of loading a string of tracers at the end of the belt to tell you that you were out of ammo. This was definitely not something you wanted to tell the enemy. Units that stopped using tracers saw their success rate nearly double and their loss rate go down.

7. When allied armies reached the Rhine, the first thing men did was pee in it. This was pretty universal from the lowest private to Winston Churchill (who made a big show of it) and Gen. Patton (who had himself photographed in the act).

8. German Me-264 bombers were capable of bombing New York City, but they decided it wasn't worth the effort.

9. German submarine U-120 was sunk by a malfunctioning toilet.

10. Among the first 'Germans' captured at Normandy were several Koreans. They had been forced to fight for the Japanese Army until they were captured by the Russians and forced to fight for the Russian Army until they were captured by the Germans and forced to fight for the German Army until they were captured by the US Army.

11. Following a massive naval bombardment, 35,000 United States and Canadian troops stormed ashore at Kiska, in theAleutian Islands. 21 troops were killed in the assault on the island.

It could have been worse if there had been any Japanese on the island.

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Smokey is Smok'in.BB
A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend.
<>

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At last! just what I've been waiting for. Thanks to Wayne Paddack. BB

At Last, a Cell Phone for Seniors!

You REALLY have to be OLD to appreciate THIS one!!!!

Smokey sent in this method for loseing thos extra pourds.BB

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Here's one from Dan Kalahar that speaks for itself. BB

Tracey, here's a group for you

For those of you who don't live in Alabama and think we are a bunch of uncivilized rednecks, well, it’s simply not true! In fact, we have ladies' groups that meet regularly to discuss current events and develop needed home skills. For example, this photo was recently taken at a ladies group meeting in St Florian, AL where they were discussing the elections coming up in November, and in 2012.

source

WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

July 2010 - Week 3

http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK3.htm

How to hold a beer while riding a Harley...

WARNING!...TROOPERS JOKES..MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR YOUNG-INS AND THE TENDER AT HEART

Alan Benoit sends this in for your digesting. BB

How to hold a beer while riding a Harley...

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Ouch!!! Damn that hurts, a lesson from Joe Birindelli. BB

If this one doesn't make you smile, there is no hope for you.

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune. One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die and I will inherit $200 million." Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother! Women are so much better at financial planning than men

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Heres one from Tom Heckman you'll all enjoy. BB

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.. There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. Then the teacher realized only Ernie was left.

'Ernie, do you have a story to share?'

'Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Sharon.

She was a pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Muslim terrorists.

She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last terrorist with her bare hands.'

'Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?'

'Stay the hell away from Aunt Sharon when she's been drinking.'

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Here's one Sent in by Wayne Paddack. BB

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1.. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice!

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana.

6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.

9. Sing Along At The Opera.

10. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.

11. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'

12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

13. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity

14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

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Bill Bowker sent in a good one. BB

Sorry to tell you this, but....

Please note ..After March , I will no longer be sending

e-mails. Thanks to the Post Office I am now going back to

licking stamps.....

source
http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK2.htm

WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

June 2010 - Week 2

Hunting Experiance

WARNING! - TROOPER JOKE AREA. JOKES MAY CONTAIN NUDITY, SWEARING, AND MAY BE FOUND OFFENSIVE BY SOME.

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Grouchey gets us started this week with this unexpected turn of events. BB

A blond city girl named Amy marries a Colorado rancher.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy,

'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'

The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.

Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when Amy sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one right here.'

The man, assuming he is dealing with an air head blond, asks, 'Tell me lady, 'cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?'

'That's simple," she said. "By the nail that's over its stall,' she explains very confidently..

Laughing rudely at her, the man says, 'And what, pray tell, is the nail for?'

The blond turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, 'I guess it's to hang your pants on.'

It's nice to see a blond winning once in awhile.

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Fred Currier shares this great Blonde Joke . BB

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde
declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of
alligator shoes for free!'
The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?'
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he spotted the same young woman standing
waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.
As he brought his car to a stop, he saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With
lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank.
Nearby were 7 more dead gators all lying belly up. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching
in silent amazement as the blonde struggled mightily and barely managed to flip the gator onto its back.
Then, rolling her eyes heavenward, she screamed in frustration.....

'CRAP! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!

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Heres an Indian culture joke sent in by Alan Benoit. BB

 This is  mythical and deep ... Just beautiful  ...
A  man asked an American Indian what was his wife's  name.










He  replied, "She called Four Horses".








The  man said, "That's an unusual name for your wife.

What does it mean?"

The  Old Indian answered, "It old Indian Name. It  mean...









NAG,  NAG, NAG, NAG!" 

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Heres one from Smokey!.BB

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of the Granville Presbyterian church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.

"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.

"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the Church."

The pastor asked, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?"

The old lady replied, "$10,000 a week."

The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful! What does he do for a living?"

"He is a veterinarian," she answered.

"That is an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"

The little old lady said proudly, "In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno ."

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Terry Valentine has found a prime example of Courage!. BB

What is the meaning of courage?



Is it to fight a bull in a bullfight?



Is it standing up to a bully you know is going to kick your ass?



Is it to fly a fighter in combat?



Is it to practice free falling parachuting?



Is it to insult your boss?



Is it asking a lady to dance you know will say ..'NO'...?



Is it getting on a football field weighing 150lb's and

everyone else weighs 300..?



Is it stopping a bullet meant for prez..?



Is it recovering from a nasty divorce..?



Is it waking up a quadriplegic..?




Bullshit........those are nothing!

*************************************
 source



THIS IS COURAGE!

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Thanks to Don kalahar for this Hunting Experiance! BB

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I like this one from Rob Ferguson. The only thing I would add to it is a "Pause" Button. BB

that out of the way. Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling
better every day. Then you get kicked out for being too healthy. Enjoy
your retirement and collect your pension. They when you start work,
you get a gold watch on your first day. You work forty years until
you are too young to work. You get ready for high school; drink
alcohol, party, and your are generally promiscuous. Then you go toMbr> primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no
responsibilities. Then you become a baby, and then...
you spend your last nine month floating peacefully in luxury, in
spa-like conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and then.
You finish off as an orgasm.

I REST MY CASE

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Thanks to Jeff Kramer for this one. BB

REDNECK FIRE ALARM

You never have to change the batteries!!! I'm putting one in every room! Safety First!

BB: You can also munch on popcorn while watching the fire....

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Thanks to Jeff Kramer for this two for one. BB

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.
They had shared everything. They had talked about everything.
They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little
Old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had
Cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but One day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said
She would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took
Down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was
In the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls
And a stack of money totaling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents.

'When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me
The secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that
If I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two
Precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two
Times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with
Happiness.

'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money?
Where did it come from?'

'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'

A Prayer.......
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods;
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death,
Because I don't have time to crochet…

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HAVE YOU HEARD?
A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

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source

http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK4.htm

WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

April 2010 - Week 4