Aircraft Quiz

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NOTICE! - TROOPER JOKE AREA - SOME JOKES MAY BE EXPLECIT!

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Tom Heckman gets us started this week. BB

A man was sunbathing naked at the beach.

For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.

A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."

He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly it would lift itself."

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Our latest new member, Ron Brauer sent this one in. BB

Kneeling High Jump Record

Are you aware that a new world record has been set for the HIGH JUMP from a KNEELING position?

The record is 0.757 meters or a little over 27 inches (remember, this is from a KNEELING position), was set recently on a beach near Montpelier in Southern France .

This photograph was taken a split second before the jump -- but it gives you an idea as to how it was achieved. . .

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Rob Ferguson found the quiz for you helicopter Pilot types. BB

Most of you are fairly intelligent folks please answer the question below without looking at the picture. Answer first, then look...

Aircraft Quiz


What is the biggest advantage of rotary-wing aircraft over fixed-wing aircraft ?

Damn, sure guessed wrong on that answer.
Wasn't even close!

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John Vanerio has found a Rat's Ass checker! BB

Just checking to see if you give a rat's ass about anything today.

V V V V V V V V V V V
Nope!
Barely moved for me either.

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Howard Greenfield checks in with this one? BB

RETIRE WHERE???? Here are your choices:

You can retire to Phoenix , Arizona where... 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 2. You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl. 3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town. 4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food. 5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door. 6.. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

OR

You can retire to California where... 1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house 2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway. 3. You know how to eat an artichoke. 4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party. 5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is. 6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

OR

You can retire to New York City where... 1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan. 2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map. 3. You think Central Park is "nature." 4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual. 5. You've worn out a car horn. (ed. note if you have a car). 6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

OR

You can retire to Maine where... 1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco. 2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas. 3. You have more than one recipe for moose. 4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons. 5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

OR

You can retire to the Deep South where... 1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store. 2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural. 3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense. 4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc. 5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.

OR

You can retire to Colorado where... 1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car. 2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center. 3. A pass does not involve a football or dating. 4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

OR

You can retire to the Midwest where... 1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name. 2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor. 3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day. 4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?" 5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

OR

AND You can retire to Florida where. 1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon. 2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars. 3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist. 4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state. 5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

SO MANY CHOICES . . .

source

http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK1.htm

WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

August 2010 - Week 1

This picture pretty much says it all.........

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WARNING TO ALL! THE FOLLOWING JOKES MAY BE EXPLICIT! PLEASE SKIP OVER THEM OR DON'T SAY YOU WEREN'T WARNED

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Smokey gets us started this week. BB

The Madam opened the brothel door to see a frail, elderly gentleman.. "Can I help you?" the madam asked. "I want Natalie," the old man replied. "Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else..." "No, I must see Natalie."

Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $1,000 per visit. Without blinking, the man reached into his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour, whereupon the man calmly left..

The next night he appeared again demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that There were no discounts...it was still $1,000 a visit. Again the old man took out the money, the two went up to the room and an hour later, he left.

When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it. Again he handed Natalie the money and up to the room they went. At the end of the hour Natalie questioned the old man: "No one has ever used my services three nights in a row. Where are you from?" The old man replied, "I'm from Philadelphia."

"Really?" replied Natalie. "I have family who lives there."

"Yes, I know," said the old man. "Your father died, and I'm your sister's attorney. She asked me to give this $3,000 to you."

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Down memory lane with Danny Horn. BB

The Outhouse Poem
(If you don't know what an outhouse is, ask someone older)

The service station trade was slow.
The owner sat around
With sharpened knife and cedar stick
Piling shavings on the ground.

No modern facilities had they,
The log across the rill
Led to a shack marked  'his and hers'
That sat against the hill.

"Where is the ladies' room, Sir?"
The owner, leaning back,
Said not a word, but whittled on
And pointed toward the shack.

With quickened step she entered there
But stayed for just a minute,
Until she screamed, just like a snake
Or spider might be in it.

With startled look and beet red face
She bounded through the door
And headed quickly for the car -
Just like three gals before.

She missed the foot log- jumped the stream
The owner gave a shout,
As her silk stockings, down at her knees
Caught on a sassafras sprout.

She tripped and fell - got up,
And then in obvious disgust,
Ran to the car, stepped on the gas,
And faded in the dust.

Of course we all desired to know
What made the gals all do
The things they did; and then  we found
The whittling owner knew.

A speaking system he'd devised.
To make the thing complete,
He tied a speaker on the wall
Beneath the toilet seat.

He'd wait until the gals got set
And then the devilish tike,
Would stop his whittling long enough
To speak into the mike.

And as she sat, a voice below
Struck terror, fright and fear,
"Will you please use the other hole,


We're painting under here!"

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Here's Duke Snyder's submission for this week.

The Aisle Seat

Terrorists boarded a flight out of London . One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.

Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said 'I need to get up and get a coke.''Don't get up,' said the Marine 'I'm in the aisle seat, 'I'll get it for you.'

As soon as he left one of the Arabs picked up the Marines shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said, 'That looks good. I'd really like one too.' Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it.

Whilehe was gone the other Arab picked up the Marines other shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.

As the plane was landing the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbors, 'Why does it have to be this way?'

'How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pi$$ing in cokes?'

THE FEW. THE PROUD. THE MARINES.

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Thanks to my Aunt Jo down in Arkansas for this one. BB

Looks like Arkansas, it was 100 in L.R. yesterday!!!!

This picture pretty much says it all.........

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Here's one from Rob Ferguson that speaks for itself. BB

source
http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK3.htm

WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

August 2010 - Week 3