WARNING TO ALL! THE FOLLOWING JOKES MAY BE EXPLICIT! PLEASE SKIP OVER THEM OR DON'T SAY YOU WEREN'T WARNED
The Madam opened the brothel door to see a frail, elderly gentleman.. "Can I help you?" the madam asked. "I want Natalie," the old man replied. "Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else..." "No, I must see Natalie."
Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $1,000 per visit. Without blinking, the man reached into his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour, whereupon the man calmly left..
The next night he appeared again demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that There were no discounts...it was still $1,000 a visit. Again the old man took out the money, the two went up to the room and an hour later, he left.
When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it. Again he handed Natalie the money and up to the room they went. At the end of the hour Natalie questioned the old man: "No one has ever used my services three nights in a row. Where are you from?" The old man replied, "I'm from Philadelphia."
"Really?" replied Natalie. "I have family who lives there."
"Yes, I know," said the old man. "Your father died, and I'm your sister's attorney. She asked me to give this $3,000 to you."
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Down memory lane with Danny Horn. BB The Outhouse Poem
(If you don't know what an outhouse is, ask someone older)
The service station trade was slow.
The owner sat around
With sharpened knife and cedar stick
Piling shavings on the ground.
No modern facilities had they,
The log across the rill
Led to a shack marked 'his and hers'
That sat against the hill.
"Where is the ladies' room, Sir?"
The owner, leaning back,
Said not a word, but whittled on
And pointed toward the shack.
With quickened step she entered there
But stayed for just a minute,
Until she screamed, just like a snake
Or spider might be in it.
With startled look and beet red face
She bounded through the door
And headed quickly for the car -
Just like three gals before.
She missed the foot log- jumped the stream
The owner gave a shout,
As her silk stockings, down at her knees
Caught on a sassafras sprout.
She tripped and fell - got up,
And then in obvious disgust,
Ran to the car, stepped on the gas,
And faded in the dust.
Of course we all desired to know
What made the gals all do
The things they did; and then we found
The whittling owner knew.
A speaking system he'd devised.
To make the thing complete,
He tied a speaker on the wall
Beneath the toilet seat.
He'd wait until the gals got set
And then the devilish tike,
Would stop his whittling long enough
To speak into the mike.
And as she sat, a voice below
Struck terror, fright and fear,
"Will you please use the other hole,
We're painting under here!"
The Outhouse Poem
(If you don't know what an outhouse is, ask someone older)
The service station trade was slow.
The owner sat around
With sharpened knife and cedar stick
Piling shavings on the ground.
No modern facilities had they,
The log across the rill
Led to a shack marked 'his and hers'
That sat against the hill.
"Where is the ladies' room, Sir?"
The owner, leaning back,
Said not a word, but whittled on
And pointed toward the shack.
With quickened step she entered there
But stayed for just a minute,
Until she screamed, just like a snake
Or spider might be in it.
With startled look and beet red face
She bounded through the door
And headed quickly for the car -
Just like three gals before.
She missed the foot log- jumped the stream
The owner gave a shout,
As her silk stockings, down at her knees
Caught on a sassafras sprout.
She tripped and fell - got up,
And then in obvious disgust,
Ran to the car, stepped on the gas,
And faded in the dust.
Of course we all desired to know
What made the gals all do
The things they did; and then we found
The whittling owner knew.
A speaking system he'd devised.
To make the thing complete,
He tied a speaker on the wall
Beneath the toilet seat.
He'd wait until the gals got set
And then the devilish tike,
Would stop his whittling long enough
To speak into the mike.
And as she sat, a voice below
Struck terror, fright and fear,
"Will you please use the other hole,
We're painting under here!"
********************************************************
Here's Duke Snyder's submission for this week.
The Aisle Seat
Terrorists boarded a flight out of London . One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.
Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said 'I need to get up and get a coke.''Don't get up,' said the Marine 'I'm in the aisle seat, 'I'll get it for you.'
As soon as he left one of the Arabs picked up the Marines shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said, 'That looks good. I'd really like one too.' Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it.
Whilehe was gone the other Arab picked up the Marines other shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.
As the plane was landing the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbors, 'Why does it have to be this way?'
'How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pi$$ing in cokes?'
THE FEW. THE PROUD. THE MARINES.
********************************************************
Thanks to my Aunt Jo down in Arkansas for this one. BB
Looks like Arkansas, it was 100 in L.R. yesterday!!!!
This picture pretty much says it all.........
********************************************************
Here's one from Rob Ferguson that speaks for itself. BB
source
http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK3.htm
WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
August 2010 - Week 3
********************************************************
Here's Duke Snyder's submission for this week.
The Aisle Seat
Terrorists boarded a flight out of London . One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.
Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said 'I need to get up and get a coke.''Don't get up,' said the Marine 'I'm in the aisle seat, 'I'll get it for you.'
As soon as he left one of the Arabs picked up the Marines shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said, 'That looks good. I'd really like one too.' Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it.
Whilehe was gone the other Arab picked up the Marines other shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.
As the plane was landing the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbors, 'Why does it have to be this way?'
'How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pi$$ing in cokes?'
THE FEW. THE PROUD. THE MARINES.
********************************************************
Thanks to my Aunt Jo down in Arkansas for this one. BB
Looks like Arkansas, it was 100 in L.R. yesterday!!!!
This picture pretty much says it all.........
********************************************************
Here's one from Rob Ferguson that speaks for itself. BB
source
http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK3.htm
WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
August 2010 - Week 3
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