WARNING!! TROOPER JOKE AREA - SOME OF THEM ARE VERY EXPLICIT!
.Tony Moscicki gets us started this week. BB
Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.
The thin one leaned over and said, 'Life is so boring.We never have any fun any more.
For $10 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower show!'
'You're on!' said the other old lady, holding up a $10 note.
The first little old lady slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked,
streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the flower show.
Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud
applause and shrill whistling. The smiling and naked Old lady came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering crowd.
'What happened?' asked her waiting friend.
'I won first prize as Best Dried Arrangement.'
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.Heres some advice from Danny Horn on how to defeat the Flu. BB
To avoid it...
Eat right!
Make sure you get your daily dose of fruit and veggies.
Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.
Get plenty of exercise because it builds your immune system
Walk for at least an hour a day,
go for a swim,
take the stairs instead of the lift, etc.
Wash your hands often.
If you can't, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.
Get lots of fresh air.
Open doors & windows whenever possible.
Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.
Get plenty of rest.
OR
Take the doctor's approach.
Think about it...
When you go for a flu jab, what do they do first?
They clean your arm with alcohol...
Why?
Because Alcohol KILLS GERMS.
So...
I walk to the pub. (exercise)
I put lime in my vodka...(fruit)
Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies)
Drink outdoors on the patio..(fresh air)
Tell rude jokes and laugh....(eliminate stress)
Then I pass out. (rest)
The way I see it...
If you keep your alcohol levels up,
flu germs can't get you!
As my grandmother always said,
'A shot in the glass
is better than one in the ass!'
Live Well -
Laugh Often -
Love Much
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.Heres some sad and shocking news send in by Alan Bonit. BB
Seems like only yesterday...
BARBIE DOLL has her 50th birthday this year.......
Tweety Bird is 60 years old!
And what about all our other .... CHILDHOOD SUPERHEROES?
SUPERMAN
Thor
Wonder Woman (touch of menopause here I think?)
Batman and Robin
SPIDERMAN
"Life is short, break the rules, forgive sooner, love with true love, laugh without control and always keep smiling.
Maybe life is not the party that we were expecting, but in the mean time, we're here and we can still dance....."
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.Charles Murawski thinks we should take up a collection for this poor thing! BB
Damn economy... This poor child can't even afford a pair of decent jeans
Another Victim of the Economy...
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.Smokey found us a Blond Joke! BB
A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit.
She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly ...
She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'
To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check..
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing.
You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you
left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his
wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead,
and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice. . . . . . .
So I just switched the heads.'
(BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!!!)
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.This one came from my Aunt Joe. She's from Michigan! BB
If You Grew Up in the Midwest, then...
You know how to polka, but never tried it sober.
You know what knee-high by the Fourth of July means.
You know it is traditional for the bride and groom to go bar hopping between the reception and wedding dance.
You know the difference between 'Green' and 'Red' farm machinery, and would fight with your friends on the playground over which was better!
You buy Christmas presents at Fleet Farm.
You spent more on beer & liquor than you did on food at your wedding.
You or someone you know was a 'Dairy Princess' at the county fair.
You know that 'combine' is a noun.
You let your older siblings talk you into putting your tongue on a
steel post in the middle of winter.
You know that 'creek' rhymes with 'pick'.
Football schedules, hunting season, and harvest, are all taken into consideration before wedding dates are set.
A Friday night date is getting a six-pack and taking your girlfriend shining for deer.
Saturday you go to your local bowling alley.
There was at least one, if not several, in your class who had to help milk cows in the morning.
You have driven your car on the lake.
Every wedding dance you have ever been to has the hokey pokey and the chicken dance.
Your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar.
The local gas station sells live bait.
At least twice a year some part of your home doubles as a meat processing plant.
You think that the start of deer season is a national holiday.
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Great Scott!! check out this one sent in by John Vanerio
THIS IS WHY KIDS GO TO COLLEGE
Nothing like a great education.
Giant Caterpillar found in College Dorm Room....
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WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
October 2009 - Week 1
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