TROOPER JOKES - WARNING! SOME OF THESE JOKES ARE EXPLICIT!
Gary Chenett will also sell you a section of the Macinack Bridge.....cheap! BB
Most of you old guys didn't notice what was missing in this photo.
I guess because I am so much younger and have so much more vitality
I saw it instantly.
It must be rough being older.
I feel bad for you
Your much younger friend
Gary
Thing you notice when your sixty.
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Thanks to Smokey for this bit of information.
A man wakes up one morning in Alaska to find a bear on his roof.
So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for
'Bear Removers.'
He calls the number and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30
minutes..
The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder,
a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
'What are you going to do,' the homeowner asks?
'I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to
go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat
When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his
testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to
put him in the cage in the back of the van.'
He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
'What's the shotgun for?' asks the homeowner.
'If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog !
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I'd say that Alan Benoit devoted a lot of time for this input. BBA Blonde's Year in Review
January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....
Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer!!!
March
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....
Box said ' 2-4 years!'
April
Trapped on escalator for hours ...
Power went out!!!
May
Tried to make Kool Aid.....wrong instructions....
8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June
Tried to go water skiing.......
Couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....
Learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm......
Car swamped because soft-top was open.
September
The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???
October
Hate M & M's.....
They are so hard to peel.
November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days ....
Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!
December
Couldn't call 911.
'Duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!
THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.
A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it shut harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, 'Is something wrong?'
To which she replied, 'There certainly is!'
(Are you ready? This is a beauty...)
'My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL!'
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Now Jeff Kramer sent this one in and it makes a lot of sense to me. BB
WHY MEN SHOULD NOT WRITE ADVICE COLUMS
Dear JEFF,
I hope you can help. The other day, I set out for work, leaving my husband watching T.V. My car stalled and broke down about a block away. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got back, I could not believe my eyes. My husband was in bed with our neighbor's daughter. I am 32; My husband is 34, and the neighbor's daughter is 19. We have been married for ten years. When I congronted my husband, he admitted to having had an affair for the past 6 months. He won't go to counseling. I am a wreck and need your advice urgently. Can you help me?
Sincerely,
Sheila
JEFF replies
Dear Sheila,
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with your engine. Start by checking for debris in your fuel line.
If clear, check the vacuum pipe and focus on the intake manifold. Also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solve the problem, check the fuel pump--it could be faulty. I hope this helps.
Sincerely,
JEFF
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Boy does this guy have a story to crow about. Thanks to Charles Murawski for sending this one our way. BB
You need to establish your priorities.
Are your priorities established?
Some things are just more important.
SHOOT! SHOOT!!!
You can Finish the paperwork later.
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Bill Bowker makes an interesting point. BB
Guys..... Who is your real friend?
This really works... Just try this experiment:
Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car at the same time for an hour.
When you open the trunk, which one is really happy to see you?
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Tom Witter sends us this Texas yarn. BB
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight mini skirt was waiting for a bus.
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!" The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you,but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."
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Dave Snavely is a teacher at heart. BB
Yodeling
Have you ever wondered where and how yodeling began?
Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains of Switzerland.
Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night.
The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn.
As the story goes, the farmer's daughter asked her father. "Who is that man going into the barn?"
The daughter said, "Perhaps he is hungry." So she prepared a plate of food for him and then took it out to the barn.
About an hour later, the daughter returned. Her clothing disheveled and straw in her hair. Straight up to bed she went.
The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn, and she too did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly. She also headed straight to bed.
The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left.
When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she broke into tears. "How could he leave without even saying goodbye," she cried. "We made such passionate love last night!"
"What!" shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house looking for the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain.
The farmer screamed up at him, "I'm going to get you! You had sex with my daughter!"
The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and yelled out.
"LAIDTHEOLADEETOO”
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I'm not sure who sent this one in but thanks to whomever did. BB
Muslim Family Poetrit.
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source
WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
January 2010 - Week 3
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