WARNING! - TROOPER JOKE AREA. JOKES MAY CONTAIN NUDITY, SWEARING, AND MAY BE FOUND OFFENSIVE BY SOME.
Wayne Paddack gets us started this week. BB
BEWARE OF A SCAM...................
I just had a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world.
I told them to get lost
Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!
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Here's Smokey!. BB
An Amish farmer, walking through his field, notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand.
The Amish man shouts: "Trink das Wasser nicht.
Die Kuhen haben dahin gesheissen."
Which means:
"Don't drink the water, the cows have s--t in it."
The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I do not understand your gibberish... Speak English, infidel!"
The Amish man calmly says:
"Use two hands, you'll get more!"
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You think you have lived to be 87 and know who you are, then along comes someone and blows it all to hell!
An old Pilot sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..
She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'
He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying biplanes, Cubs, Aeronca's, Neiuports, flew in WWII in a B-29, and later in the Korean conflict, taught 50 people to fly and gave rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot.'
She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'
He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.
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Alan Benoit has captured a few thoughts about American Life. BB
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Grouchy tells us why Italians can't become Paramedics.BB
Vinny and Sal are out in the woods hunting when suddenly Sal grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head.
Vinny whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, 'I think Sal is dead! What should I do?'
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, 'Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's dead.'
There is a silence .. and then a shot is heard.
Vinny's voice comes back on the line,
'Okay... now what?
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Ted Armstrong clears up something for us after all these years. BB
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next, Chubby. '
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
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John Vanerio has a salution to that parking problem at the Airport. BB
An Italian walked into a bank in Chicago and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Italy on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Italian handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank.
The Italian produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Italian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parked it.
Two weeks later, the Italian returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a Multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?'
The Italian replied: 'Minga! Where else in Chicago can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?'
Ah, the Italians.... Bada Bing!
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Jeff Kramer swears that this short movie is the "Story of His Life". BB
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source
http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK4.htm
WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
February 2010 - Week 4
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