a few inspirational poster from o'le Grouchy

WARNING!! TROOPER JOKE AREA - SOME OF THEM ARE VERY EXPLICIT!

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Heres one from Danny Horn to get us started. BB

A teacher decided to test the thinking power and tastebuds of his class.

He divided lifesavers by color and handed them out to the kids.

The children began to identify the flavors by their color:

Red hole.....................Cherry

Yellow hole................Lemon

Green hole..................Lime

Orange hole...............Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all tan HONEY flavored lifesavers.

None of the children could identify the taste.

The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father.'

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled, 'Oh my God! They're ass-holes!

The teacher had to leave the room for awhile!

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Here are a few inspirational poster from o'le Grouchy. BB

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This is an old one that's been updated - sent in by Carl Bell. BB

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally , the guys' side of the story. ( I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear " the rules" From the female side....

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers. ( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1.. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle..

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or Hockey.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

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Tony Moscicki sends us this new item on the market. BB

Stanley has just released a new tape measure that will take the industry by storm

While at first look it seems like a regular tape measure the finite measurement capability is unmatched (See Below)

So next time your buddy tells you to "move it a cunthair to the left" you won't have to guess!!

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.Now this is why they made guys like Dave Sneavely Officers instead of Enlisted Men. BB

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to china.

If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
If you purchase a computer, it will go to India .
If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala .
If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .
If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

1 spending it at yard sales, or
2 going to ball games, or
3 spending it on prostitutes, or
4 beer, or
5 tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the US .)

Conclusion:

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day !!

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source

WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

November 2009 - Week 1