Ain't it the Truth?!!

WARNING!! TROOPER JOKE AREA - SOME OF THEM ARE VERY EXPLICIT!

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Heres one from Smokey to get us started. BB

Ain't it the Truth?!!

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Alan Benoit is asking each of us a personal favor. BB

How the world works lately!!

If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work, he blames the restaurant.

If you smoke three packs a day For 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company..

If your neighbour crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, he blames the bartender.

If your grandchildren are Brats without manners, you blame television.

If your friend is shot by a Deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer.

And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the crazed deceased blames the airline.
I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore.

So, if I die while my OLD WRINKLED ASS is parked in front of this computer, I want all of you to blame Bill Gates.

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This one from Bill Bowker makes sense to me. BB

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO. Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them. Please send this to a few of your old friends that still remember how to read.

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This one from John Conley hits below the waist. BB

Scotch and water and getting old

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.'
The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.'
As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.'
The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.'
'Coming up!' says the bartender.
As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to buy you one too.'
The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'
'Coming right up!' the bartender says.
As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'
The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole 'nother issue.'

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'OLD' IS WHEN....
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,'and you answer 'Pick one. I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door,

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take any fiber today.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all-nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

AND 'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are not sure if these are jokes.

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Wayne Paddack on how to get on America's funniest Videos. BB

The Fairytale Wedding ..................

You have just walked out of the church after your delightful wedding ceremony and on the church steps, both your families are applauding you with a hundred friends gathered around.

The photographer raises his camera and following your family's tradition, both of you are holding beautiful live white doves which you will release together.

Bride and groom stand happily shoulder to shoulder with a dove gently held in both hands as everyone eagerly awaits the climax of your marriage vows.

The photographer gives the ready signal and you open your hands toward the sky and release the doves as a symbol of your eternal love.

Not a dry eye anywhere, such a moving sight, the camera flashes and the moment is captured for all eternity..............

Scroll down........................

Wedding Gown £2,500. Photographer £2,000. Vintage Rolls Royce £1,000. Having 'the twins' pop out and say CHEESE in front of your family and friends ... PRICELESS

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WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

November 2009 - Week 1