Friday 10 July 2009

"I don't want an erection!"

"I don't want an erection!"

Let's get started with one from Charles Murawski.

An old man goes into a drug store to buy some Viagra.

"Can I have 6 tablets, cut in quarters?"

"I can cut them for you," said the pharmacist, "but a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection."

"I am 96", said the old man.

"I don't want an erection!"

"I just want it sticking out far enough so I don't pee on my slippers!"

********************************************************

Dave Snavely checks in the week with this one.

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 85?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'
'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks, barbecued ribs or sausage?'
I said, 'No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, hiking, or bicycling?'
'No, I don't,' I said.

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, ride a Harley, or have a lot of sex?'
'No,' I said.

He looked at me and said, 'Then, why do you even give a shit?

********************************************************

Here's one from "Grouchy".

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'

The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

********************************************************

Jeff Kramer seems to ge taking "Getting older" in stride.

The 60s hits are being revised with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers.

They include: Herman's Hermits

Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely  Walker ..

Ringo Starr

I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.

The Bee Gees

How Can You Mend a Broken Hip

Bobby Darin

Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash.

Roberta Flack

The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.

Johnny Nash

I Can't See Clearly Now.

Paul Simon

Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver.

The Commodores

Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.

Marvin Gaye

Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.

Procol Harem

A Whiter Shade of Hair.

Leo Sayer

You Make Me Feel Like Napping.

The Temptations

Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.

Abba

Denture Queen.

Tony Orlando

Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.

Helen Reddy

I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.

Leslie Gore

It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To.

And an all time favorite:

Willie Nelson

On the Commode Again.

********************************************************

source

http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK3.HTM

WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

November 2008 - Week 3

Tags: | Edit Tags Monday November 17, 2008 - 10:02am (EST) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 0 Comments

General Giap published his memoirs and confirmed what most Americans knew

TROOPERS CORNER - SOUND OFF!!

I received this up in Michigan just before we left for Florida. Mr. Eversman and his group did a wonderful job honoring one of our Troopers, Joseph Gill and we thank him and all involved in this project for thier hard work for such a worthy cause. BB.

A glorious day on Saturday, October 18th, in Oregon, OH saw approximately 900 persons turn out to honor the Veterans who served in the Vietnam War and remember our community's fallen servicemen. One was Joseph G. Gill, Troop B 1/4 Cav who was KIA 5May68.

Representing the Quarterhorse Veterans was Kerry Schoolik of Orlando, Florida who was a tank commander on the tank next to Joe Gill's in the battle where Gill died. We were also joined by James Wood, originally a neighbor and childhood friend of Joe Gill's in Oregon, OH, from his present home in South Carolina. Specialist Five Wood was a Huey gunship crew chief and saw Joe at Di An on 3May68 and spent time with his old friend the night before, too. Wood remembered being called into action on 6May68 in the area where the battle of 5May had taken place.

You can view over 700 photos of our memorial ceremony and the motorcycle honor ride (over 300 bikes) that preceeded the dedication at the following web sites:

http://pollock.smugmug.com/Events/633936

www.oregonvietnammemorial.com

In the days prior to this ceremony, we located Lt. Clyde Griffin, who was Spec 4 Gill's platoon commander. Lt. Griffin, who retired from the Army as a Lt. Colonel, lives in Bakersfiled, CA. He reported that Joe Gill was put in for a Silver Star that day and so deserved that medal but someone in the rear thought differently. Lt. Griffin still holds fast today, on his opinion of Joe's valorous actions, 40 years ago.

Jerry Eversman
Chairman
Oregon Vietnam Memorial Group

*************************************************************************

Thanks to George Villanueva for this great insight on how the stock market works. BB.

Economics 101 This is better than my college course in Economics.

Once upon a time, in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.

The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest, and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it! The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50 ! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each." The villagers rounded up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys. Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!

Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works.

*************************************************************************

Thanks to Frank for sharing this website with us. Any of you interested in 1st Infantry Division collectables will enjoy this one. BB

http://www.whisperinghope.net/1stidock.htm

*************************************************************************

Dave Snavely sent us this interesting bit of history regarding the Lockheed Aircraft and measures it took to conceal the Factory during war time. BB

Hiding the Lockheed plant during WWII

Lockheed During WW II (unbelievable 1940s pictures) This is pretty neat--special effects during the 1940's: I have never seen these pictures or knew that we had gone this far to protect us. During World War II the Army Corps of Engineers needed to hide the Lockheed Burbank Aircraft Plant to protect it from Japanese air attack. They covered it with camouflage netting to make it look like a rural subdivision from the air. (Besides everything else, check out the cars.)

BEFORE

AFTER

*************************************************************************

Danny Slaughter sent in this article that was written locally down in Georgia where Danny lives. BB

Those of us that served in the Vietnam Conflict kow this all too well. The US Military could have won and ended the Vietnam War in a mere matter of months – We were not allowed to win! Sanctuaries; Stand Downs; Protest; Politicians! – Politicians – Politicians!

As commander of the 510th tactical Fighter Squadron, Bien Hoa Air Base, Republic of Vietnam, the most frustrating and depressing aspect my 28 “Fighter Jocks” faced daily was not being allowed to “Fight to the Fullest”!! This has occurred far to many times since WWII!! It is clearly time for Change! We face, today, an Enemy that is 100% dedicated to the destruction of this great Nation and our Way of Life!

Stand up Americans, we cannot allow the Islamic Terrorists to Prevail!

Support our Military Leaders and Men and Women of all the Services! We must win over there or face the radicals on our own soil!

General Giap was a brilliant, highly respected leader of the North Vietnam military. The following quote is from his memoirs currently found in the Vietnam War Memorial in Hanoi:

“What we still don’t understand is why the Americans stopped the bombing of Hanoi. They had us on the ropes. If they had pressed us a little harder, just for another day or two, we were ready to surrender! It was the same at the battle of TET. They defeated us! We knew it, and we thought they knew it.

But we were elated to notice their media was definitely helping us. They were causing more disruption in America than we could on the battlefields. We were ready to surrender. They had won!”

General Giap published his memoirs and confirmed what most Americans knew. The Vietnam War was not lost inVietnam – it was lost at home. The exact same slippery slope, sponsored by the US media, is currently well underway. It exposes the enormous power of a biased Media to cut out the heart and will of the American Public.

A truism worthy of note:….

Do not fear the enemy, for they can take only your life. Fear the Media far more, for they will destroy your honor.

By: Ron Clements
Publisher
Southern Shopper
Watkinsville, GA

*************************************************************************

Thanks to Alan Benoit for this Information. BB

Wear of the Army Uniform by Reserve, Retired, Separated, and Civilian Personnel

Chapter 30

Wear of the Army Uniform by Reserve, Retired, Separated, and Civilian Personnel

30–1. Occasions of ceremony

a. As used in this regulation, the phrase “occasions of ceremony” means occasions essentially of a military character, at which the uniform is more appropriate than civilian clothing. These functions include, but are not limited to: military balls, military parades, weddings, and military funerals; memorial services, meetings and conferences; or functions of associations formed for military purposes, of which the membership is composed largely or entirely of current or honorably discharged veterans of the Armed Forces or reserve components. Authority to wear the uniform includes wear while traveling to and from the ceremony or function, provided the travel in uniform can be completed on the day of the ceremony or function.

b. All persons wearing the Army uniform will wear awards, decorations, and insignia in the same manner as prescribed in this regulation for active duty soldiers. For civilian attire, individuals may wear only those awards, decorations, or insignia authorized by this regulation for wear on civilian clothing, in the same manner and approximate location as the equivalent military uniform.

30–4. Wear of the uniform by former members of the Army

a. Unless qualified under another provision of this regulation, or under the provisions of section 772, title 10, AR 670–1 • 3 February 2005 315 States Code (10 USC 772), former members of the Army may wear the uniform if they served honorably during a declared or undeclared war, and if their most recent service was terminated under honorable conditions. Personnel who qualify under these conditions will wear the Army uniform in the highest grade they held during such war service, in accordance with 10 USC 772.

b. The uniform is authorized for wear only for the following ceremonial occasions, and when traveling to and from the ceremony or function. Uniforms for these occasions are restricted to service and dress uniforms; the BDU and physical fitness uniforms will not be worn.

(1) When attending military funerals, memorial services, weddings, inaugurals, and other occasions of ceremony.
(2) When attending parades on national or state holidays, or other patriotic parades or ceremonies in which any active or reserve United States military unit is taking part. Wear of the Army uniform at any other time, or for any other purpose than stated above, is prohibited.

Source

http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK2.HTM

WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

November 2008 - Week 2

Tags: | Edit Tags Monday November 10, 2008 - 04:39am (EST) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 0 Comments

TROOPERS CORNER - soundoff!!

Tags: | Edit Tags Tuesday October 28, 2008 - 04:22am (EDT) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 0 Comments

THIS IS A CEILING MURAL IN A SMOKER'S LOUNGE.

Here's an interesting one sent in by Alan Benoit. BB

THIS IS A CEILING MURAL IN A SMOKER'S LOUNGE.

There’s another below

BATHROOM PAINTED FLOOR!!!

IMAGINE YOU ARE AT A PARTY ....

Tenth floor of a hi-rise building.....

AND THEN YOU HAVE TO VISIT THE BATHROOM...

You open the door...
NOW, REMEMBER

THIS IS JUST A PAINTED FLOOR !

KINDA TAKES YOUR BREATH AWAY.....

DOESN'T IT?

Would this mess up your mind??? Would you be able to walk inTo this bathroom???

********************************************************

Has anybody noticed Wayne Paddack growing serious here as of Late. He just turned 71!! Congratulations and Happy Birthday Wayne. BB

And though, sometime, to his neighbors, his tales became a joke...

All his Legion buddies listened, for they knew whereof he spoke..

But, we'll hear his tales no longer, for old Bill has passed away...

And the world is a little poorer....for a soldier died today...

He will not be mourned by many, just his children and his wife..

For he lived an ordinary and quite, uneventful life...

Held a job and raised a family, quitely going his own way....And the

world won't note his passing, though a soldier died today....

When politicians leave this earth, their bodies lie in-state...while

thousands note their passing, and proclaim that they were great...

Papers tell of their life stories from the time they were young...

But, the passing of a Soldier goes unnoticed and unsung...

Is the contribution to the welfare of our land, a guy who breaks his

promises and cons his fellow man....

Or the ordinary fellow, who in times of war and stife, goes off to serve his

country...and offers up his life...

A politicians stippened, and the style in which he lives, are sometimes

disproportionate to the service that he gives....while the ordinary Soldier

who offered up his all, is paid off with a medal..and perhaps a pention small..

It's so easy to forget them, for it was so long ago, that our bills of our country

went to battle, but we know

It is not the politicians with their compromise and ploys, who won for us the

freedom, that our country now enjoys

Should you find yourself in danger with your enemies at hand, would you want a

politician with his ever shifting stand...or would you prefer a Soldier, who is sworn

to defend his home, his Kin and his country...and would fight until the end...

He was just a common soldier and his ranks are growing thin...But his presence

should remind us that we need his like again...For when countries are in conflict,

then we find the soldier's part is to clean up all the troubles, that the politicians start..

If we cannot do him honor while he is here to hear the praise...then at least let's give him

homage, at the ending of his days...perhaps just a simple headline in a paper that would say...

"Our country is in mourning", for a Soldier died today

source

WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

October 2008 - Week 3

http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK3.HTM

Tags: | Edit Tags Tuesday October 21, 2008 - 09:56am (EDT) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 0 Comments

Do not delete pictures, pls!!!!!...Forward on!!!!

LANDON KEYhello friend

--- On Mon, 7/14/08, Roger Swafford wrote:

From: Roger Swafford
Subject: Fw: FW:
To: "Landon Key"
Date: Monday, July 14, 2008, 6:54 PM

----- Original Message -----
From: jackie tidwell

To: Janet Lamb ; Mike Loftis ; Jennifer Matthews ; Kathy Perry ; Roger Swafford ; Judy Thomas ; Earl Tidwell ; Anthony Tidwell ; wendy vick ; Wendie Fredley

Sent: Monday, July 14, 2008 6:45 PM

Subject: FW: FW:

--- On Mon, 7/14/08, Jackie Tidwell <Jackie@heritagepointeseniorliving.com> wrote:
From: Jackie Tidwell <Jackie@heritagepointeseniorliving.com>
Subject: FW: FW:
To: jctidwell@yahoo.com
Date: Monday, July 14, 2008, 2:49 PM

From: Cristy Jarrett
Sent: Monday, July 14, 2008 7:35 AM
To: Angie Walker; augpatsmith@yahoo.com; Amy McKenzie; Susan Dalton; sheriffdkandrews@putnamco.org; Vaughn Barnard; Carly and Jon (jonandcarly@peoplepc.com); Jackie Tidwell; jkmatthews02@hotmail.com
Subject: FW: FW:

From: Don Porter [mailto:dink@twlakes.net]
Sent: Saturday, July 12, 2008 6:39 PM
To: Cristy Jarrett
Subject: Fw: FW:

----- Original Message -----

From: Kim Stewart

To: Andrea Gannon ; Andy Piimauna ; Angie Alderman ; Bill Isaacs ; Cindra Holland ; Denise Steele ; gloria bucklew ; James Prater ; Jane Doorley ; Jerry Stewart ; Jim and Kim Carpenter ; Julie Greenup ; Ken Schmidt ; Kirk F ; Kristy mong ; ron galyon ; sheila leis ; Brad Jessmer

Sent: Wednesday, July 09, 2008 4:28 PM

Subject: Fw: FW:

Kim

----- Forwarded Message ----
From: Angie Alderman <alalderman@zoomtown.com>
To: taschneid@aol.com; robertsrn@netzero.net; Paula Medlin <sweetpsmedlin@sbcglobal.net>; Mike & Kathryne Druffner <mdruffner@woh.rr.com>; Melissa Gundolf <mgundolf@yahoo.com>; Melanie Krugh <kru73@yahoo.com>; Kim Kesling <kimkesling@yahoo.com>; Kim Stewart <knookamom@yahoo.com>; Jamie Frey <moosetrax76@yahoo.com>; Dana.Sellers@notes.udayton.edu
Sent: Wednesday, July 9, 2008 4:05:10 PM
Subject: Fw: FW:

----- Original Message -----
From: <hbaker5@woh.rr.com>
To: "angie" <alalderman@zoomtown.com>; "dylly" <boysr105@aol.com>; "mom"
<cs-charlene@ttgraphics.com>
Sent: Wednesday, July 09, 2008 12:28 PM
Subject: Fwd: FW:

>

-----Inline Message Follows-----

From: shagy7573@hotmail.com
To: nashansh489@aol.com; bice025@yahoo.com; wdeborde@hotmail.com; bhogle@mgoblue.com; prettyblueiz0411@yahoo.com; healside28@gmail.com; shelt28@aol.com; bwhiteaker@woh.rr.com; sunburnttikigod@gmail.com; jel1967@aol.com; chromed81@hotmail.com; dean1963@erinet.com; jimmfbrown@yahoo.com; jlangan@mormat.com; jimib68@yahoo.com; quick1973@aol.com; maryhbrwn3@hotmail.com; paulchaney888@yahoo.com; ajustice4@woh.rr.com; tltoner31@aol.com
Subject: FW:
Date: Sun, 6 Jul 2008 11:34:13 -0500

From: clark85@usa.com
To: SKBlackbe@aol.com; schooldayes@yahoo.com; yrcsoftball@yahoo.com; cshaw6@woh.rr.com; dan.marshall@robn.com; Ggees57@aol.com; Jacob2015@woh.rr.com; JamesGeeslin@yahoo.com; joenjudy5@aol.com; johnakuntz@earthlink.net; sha05dow@aol.com; PaintMullet@aol.com; Kims_Here@Hotmail.com; bluejag220@yahoo.com; Matthew2011@woh.rr.com; nevanoo@yahoo.com; Shagy7573@hotmail.com; shane3cra@yahoo.com; TPlanitzer@hotmail.com; tkd9901@yahoo.com
Date: Sat, 28 Jun 2008 15:09:29 -0500

----- Original Message -----
From: 'Rob Bullen'
To: 'Candy @ home' , 'Candy @ work' , 'Bob Bennington' , 'Steve Boes' , 'Amber Bullen' , 'Clark Burrell' , 'Ronnie Cross' , 'Annette Kornowski' , 'Eddie Miller' , 'Steve Moorman' , 'Ken and Cheryl Riggsby' , 'MATT ROWLAND' , 'Toni Charles'
Subject: Fwd: Fw: Do not delete pictures, pls!!!!!...Forward on!!!!
Date: Sat, 28 Jun 2008 08:53:29 -0700 (PDT)

--

Be Yourself @ mail.com!
Choose From 200+ Email Addresses
Get a Free Account at www.mail.com!

--Forwarded Message Attachment--
Date: Sat, 28 Jun 2008 08:53:29 -0700
From: toolmaker65@sbcglobal.net
Subject: Fwd: Fw: Do not delete pictures, pls!!!!!...Forward on!!!!
To: mandusk@aol.com; candus.bullen@wpafb.af.mil; bob-bennington@columbus.rr.com; redtooldog@aol.com; tromboneakb@aol.com; clark85@usa.com; ronnie_cross1@yahoo.com; akoronowski@woh.rr.com; edwin_miller@tax.state.oh.us; moorman@tdltool.com; kriggsby@woh.rr.com; matt@tdltool.com; toni1585@sbcglobal.net

Note: forwarded message attached.

--Forwarded Message Attachment--
From: rodneybullen@earthlink.net
To: toolmaker65@sbcglobal.net; rwj6@verizon.net; mnicktow@yahoo.com; markbvincent@earthlink.net; LSAGERS@ATT.NET; golfer.scottsdale@yahoo.com; donnathomson@earthlink.net; wkthomson@earthlink.net
Subject: Fw: Do not delete pictures, pls!!!!!...Forward on!!!!
Date: Thu, 26 Jun 2008 22:03:32 -0400

----- Original Message -----

From: whitestinebb@aol.com

To: undisclosed-recipients

Sent: Tuesday, June 24, 2008 6:23 AM

Subject: Do not delete pictures, pls!!!!!...Forward on!!!!

I HOPE I DO NOT HEAR OF ANYONE BREAKING THIS ONE OR SEE DELETED

This is a ribbon for soldiers fighting in Iraq .. Pass it on to everyone and pray.

SLEEP LAST NIGHT?

Bed a little lumpy...

Toss and turn any...

Wish the heat was higher...

Maybe the a/c wasn't on...

Had to go to the john...

Need a drink of water...

?

?

?

Yes.. It is like that!

Count your blessings, pray for them,

Talk to your Creator

And the next time when ...

The other car cuts you off and you must hit the brakes, or you have to park a little further from Walmart than you want to be, or you're served slightly warm food at the restaurant, or you're sitting and cursing the traffic in front of you, or the shower runs out of hot water,

Think of them...
Protecting your freedom!

DO NOT DELETE-PLS PASS ON -Message from Iraq

The proud warriors of Baker Company wanted to do something to pay tribute to our fallen comrades. So since we are part of the only Marine Infantry Battalion left in Iraq the one way that we could think of doing that is by taking a picture of Baker Company saying the way we feel. It would be awesome if you could find a way to share this with our fellow countrymen. I
was wondering if there was any way to get this into your papers to let the world know that 'WE HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN' and are proud to serve our country.' Semper Fi
1stSgt Dave Jobe

The attached photo was forwarded from one of the last U.S. Marine companies in Iraq They would like to have it passed to as many people as possible, to let the folks back home know that they remember why they're there and that they remember those who've been lost.

Send this to 13 people in the next 15 minutes. Go.

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