New style in Pirates Hats.

Here are a couple quickies sent in by Rob Ferguson.

Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they'regrand.

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Q: What do you have when you've got 2 little balls in your hand?
A: A man's undivided attention.

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George Villanueva sent this one in.

New style in Pirates Hats.

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I didn't know you could get foreigh stations on your TV here in the states. Appearently Alan Benoit does.

What goes wrong when a “ I can like to speak English”….writes the punch line for Gaviscon (heart burn remedy)

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Speaking of "Friends", This one came in from Danny Horn.

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I'm not sure who sent this one in, but, I know a lot of people like this!!

RETARDED GRANDPARENTS - (this was actually reported by a teacher)
After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following:
We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida ...Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass.
They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but all they do is jump up and down in it...with hats on.
At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts.
Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night -- early birds. Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck.
My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.

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Here's some "I didn't know that, Stuff!" sent in by Ole' Grouchy.

In 1923, Who Was:

1. President of the largest steel company?
2. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
6. Great Bear of Wall Street?

These men were considered some of the worlds most successful of their days.

Now, 80 years later, the history book asks us, if we know what ultimately became of them.

The Answers:

1. The president of the largest steel company.
Charles Schwab,

died a pauper.

2. The president of the largest gas company,
Edward Hopson,

went insane.

3. The president of the NYSE,
Richard Whitney,

was released from prison to die at home.

4. The greatest wheat speculator,
Arthur Cooger,

died abroad, penniless.

5. The president of
the Bank of International Settlement,

shot himself.

6 The Great Bear of Wall Street,
Cosabee Livermore,

also committed suicide

However,
in that same year, 1923, the PGA Champion and the winner of the most important golf tournament, the US Open, was

Gene Sarazen.

What became of him?

He played golf until he was 92, died in 1999 at the age of 95. He was financially secure at the time of his death.

The Moral:

To Hell with work.
Play golf!

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Thanks to Tony Moscicki for bringing back this memory.

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon 'quickie' with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

'There's a car being towed from the parking lot,' he shouted.

'An ambulance just drove by!'

'Looks like the Andersons have company,' he called out.

'Matt's riding a new bike!'

'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'

'Jason is on his skate board!'

After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are having sex!!'

Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed!

Dad cautiously called out, 'How do you know they are having sex?'

'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle.'

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Thanks to RedNeckGregg for sending in this educational material.

If you've never traveled to Mount Rushmore , but wondered what was on the other side of the mountain, here is a glimpse.

source

WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

April 2009 - Week 5

http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK5.htm