What I Want In A Man!
Great discovery by John Termini.
What I Want In A Man! Original List: 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5. Witty 6. In good shape 7. Dresses with style 8. Appreciates finer things 9. Full of thoughtful surprises 10. An imaginative, romantic lover
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32) 1. Nice looking 2. Opens car doors, holds chairs 3. Has enough money for a nice dinner 4. Listens more than talks 5. Laughs at my jokes 6. Carries bags of groceries with ease 7. Owns at least one tie 8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal 9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries 10. Seeks romance at least once a week
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42) 1. Not too ugly 2. Doesn't drive off until I 'm in the car 3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally 4. Nods head when I'm talking 5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes 6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture 7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach 8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids 9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down 10. Shaves most weekends
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52) 1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed 2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public 3. Doesn't borrow money too often 4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting 5. Doesn't retell the same joke too many times 6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends 7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear 8. Appreciates a good TV dinner 9. Remembers your name on occasion 10. Shaves some weekends
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62) 1. Doesn't scare small children 2. Remembers where bathroom is 3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep 4. Only snores lightly when asleep 5. Remembers why he's laughing 6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself 7. Usually wears some clothes 8. Likes soft foods 9. Remembers where he left his teeth 10.. Remembers that it's the weekend
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72) 1. Breathing 2. Doesn't miss the toilet.********************************************************sourcequarterhorsecavWELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTERApril 2009 - Week 3
Sunday April 26, 2009 - 12:26am (EDT) Permanent Link 0 Comments
How To Shower Like a Woman
John Vanerio sent in this as a possible explaination for this weeks airline accident.....
What brought down the plane in the Hudson River
********************************************************************
Now I know there are some of you out there that need this explained to you for clearifacation. Thanks to Dan Thompson for sharing.
How To Shower Like a Woman
Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
v
How To Shower Like a Man
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see partner along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair.
Make a Shampoo Mohican
Wee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.
Admire willy size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
John Vanerio sent in this as a possible explaination for this weeks airline accident.....
What brought down the plane in the Hudson River
Source
WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
January 2009 - Week 4
Sunday April 26, 2009 - 12:19am (EDT) Permanent Link 0 Comments
THE CRUELEST TATTOO KNOWN TO MAN!!!!
*************************************************************************
Now this is taking it a little to far Dan...
THE CRUELEST TATTOO KNOWN TO MAN!!!!
**************************************************************
How about this one sent in by Charles Murowski.
Bank Robbery in Gueydan "gou dan"
*An armed hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Gueydan , and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot one brave Cajun customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face. The robber shoots the guy without hesitation! He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him.
One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him also. Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.
Did anyone else see my face?' calls the robber.
There are a few moments of silence...then Boudreaux looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says:
'I think my wife Marie peeped'...*
**************************************************************
Can't tell wheter Dennis Swindle is reminising or wishing.
**************************************************************
I received this from my neighbor and thought you might enjoy it.
TRIP TO WAL-MART....
Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant?
So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
**************************************************************
How about that Super Bowl Game everybody! Willie Sybert certainly enjoyed it.
A Steeler fan had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, a man comes down and asked the man if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.
"No", he said, "the seat is empty". "This is incredible", said the man. "Who in their right mind would
have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sport event in the world, and not use it?"
Somberly, the man says, "Well...the seat actually belongs to me. I was suppose to come here with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we have not been together since we got married in 1967."
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find some one else - a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The man shakes his head, "No.. They're all at the funeral."
**************************************************************
Anything having to do with Snow can't be very funny, Unless it includes a blond, says Ole Grouchy
It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation.
She finally remembered her daddy's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it, that way she would not get stuck in a snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it.
As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions.
After an hour had passed, she was somewhat surprised when the snowplow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window.
The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been following him for a long time. She said that she was fine and told him of her daddy's advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard.
The driver replied that it was ok with him and she could continue if she wanted, but he was done with the Wal-Mart parking lot and was going over to Sears next.
**************************************************************
Dave Snavely sents in this report on the latest Green World activities.
**************************************************************
An old Navy Chief and an old Marine Gunny were sitting at the VFW arguing about who'd had the tougher career:
'I did 30 years in the Corps,' the Marine declared proudly, and fought in three of my country's wars. Fresh out of boot camp I hit the beach at Okinawa , clawed my way up the blood-soaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade. As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General Macarthur. We pushed the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire. Finally, as a gunny sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through the mud and razor grass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire by day and mortar fire all night. In a firefight, we'd fire until our arms ached and our guns were empty, then we charge the enemy with bayonets'.
'Aye', said the Sailor with a dismissive wave of his hand. 'Lucky bastard, all shore duty, huh?
**************************************************************
Source
WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
Feburary 2009 - Week 2
Saturday April 25, 2009 - 10:49pm (EDT) Permanent Link 0 Comments
Speak for yourself Jim.....
Dave Snavely sends us this terrible about California cutbacks.
Latest California State budget cut - K9's
********************************************************************
Sent in by Jim Dempsey. Speak for yourself Jim.....
Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!
01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
04. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?
05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
07. Things you buy now won't wear out.
08. You can eat supper at 4 pm.
09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15 . Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list.
And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
********************************************************************
Dan Horn says you have to Love that Maxine!
Maxine was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Looking up toward heaven, she said, 'Lord, take pity on me, if you find me a parking place I will go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up sex and tequila.'
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
She looked up again and said, 'Never mind. I found one.'
********************************************************************
Source
WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
March 2009 - Week 4
Saturday April 25, 2009 - 12:36am (EDT) Permanent Link 0 Comments
How to hold a beer when you are riding your Harley
********************************************************************
Charles Murawski sent in this photo of one solution to an age old problem. I tried it but couldn't get it to work....
How to hold a beer when you are riding your Harley
********************************************************************
The Ugly Frog
An older lady was somewhat lonely and decided she needed a pet to keep her company. So, off to the pet shop she went. She searched and searched. None of the pets seemed to catch her interest, except this ugly frog. As she walked by the jar he was in, she looked and he winked at her.
*
*
He whispered, 'I'M SO LONELY, TOO. BUY ME AND TAKE ME HOME. YOU WON'T EVER BE SORRY.'
*
*
The old lady figured, what the heck! She hadn't found anything else. So, she bought the frog. She placed him in the car, on the front seat beside her. As she was slowly driving down the road, the frog whispered to her ' KISS ME AND YOU WON'T BE SORRY.'!
*
*
So! The old lady figured, WHAT THE HECK, and kissed the frog.
*
*
*
IMMEDIATELY the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, sexy, young, handsome prince
THE PRINCE THEN RETURNED THE OLD LADY'S KISS.
SUDDENLY THE OLD LADY FELT HERSELF TRANSFORMING FROM HIS KISS. NOW CAN YOU GUESS WHAT THE OLD LADY TURNED INTO?
COME ON GUESS!
*
*
*
*
* SHE TURNED INTO THE FIRST HOLIDAY INN SHE COULD FIND!!!
Source
WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
January 2009 - Week 4
Saturday April 25, 2009 - 12:04am (EDT) Permanent Link 0 Comments
Great discovery by John Termini.
What I Want In A Man! Original List: 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5. Witty 6. In good shape 7. Dresses with style 8. Appreciates finer things 9. Full of thoughtful surprises 10. An imaginative, romantic lover
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32) 1. Nice looking 2. Opens car doors, holds chairs 3. Has enough money for a nice dinner 4. Listens more than talks 5. Laughs at my jokes 6. Carries bags of groceries with ease 7. Owns at least one tie 8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal 9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries 10. Seeks romance at least once a week
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42) 1. Not too ugly 2. Doesn't drive off until I 'm in the car 3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally 4. Nods head when I'm talking 5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes 6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture 7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach 8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids 9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down 10. Shaves most weekends
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52) 1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed 2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public 3. Doesn't borrow money too often 4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting 5. Doesn't retell the same joke too many times 6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends 7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear 8. Appreciates a good TV dinner 9. Remembers your name on occasion 10. Shaves some weekends
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62) 1. Doesn't scare small children 2. Remembers where bathroom is 3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep 4. Only snores lightly when asleep 5. Remembers why he's laughing 6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself 7. Usually wears some clothes 8. Likes soft foods 9. Remembers where he left his teeth 10.. Remembers that it's the weekend
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72) 1. Breathing 2. Doesn't miss the toilet.********************************************************sourcequarterhorsecavWELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTERApril 2009 - Week 3
Sunday April 26, 2009 - 12:26am (EDT) Permanent Link 0 Comments
How To Shower Like a Woman
John Vanerio sent in this as a possible explaination for this weeks airline accident.....
What brought down the plane in the Hudson River
********************************************************************
Now I know there are some of you out there that need this explained to you for clearifacation. Thanks to Dan Thompson for sharing.
How To Shower Like a Woman
Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
v
How To Shower Like a Man
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see partner along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair.
Make a Shampoo Mohican
Wee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.
Admire willy size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
John Vanerio sent in this as a possible explaination for this weeks airline accident.....
What brought down the plane in the Hudson River
Source
WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
January 2009 - Week 4
Sunday April 26, 2009 - 12:19am (EDT) Permanent Link 0 Comments
THE CRUELEST TATTOO KNOWN TO MAN!!!!
*************************************************************************
Now this is taking it a little to far Dan...
THE CRUELEST TATTOO KNOWN TO MAN!!!!
**************************************************************
How about this one sent in by Charles Murowski.
Bank Robbery in Gueydan "gou dan"
*An armed hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Gueydan , and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot one brave Cajun customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face. The robber shoots the guy without hesitation! He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him.
One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him also. Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.
Did anyone else see my face?' calls the robber.
There are a few moments of silence...then Boudreaux looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says:
'I think my wife Marie peeped'...*
**************************************************************
Can't tell wheter Dennis Swindle is reminising or wishing.
**************************************************************
I received this from my neighbor and thought you might enjoy it.
TRIP TO WAL-MART....
Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant?
So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
**************************************************************
How about that Super Bowl Game everybody! Willie Sybert certainly enjoyed it.
A Steeler fan had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, a man comes down and asked the man if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.
"No", he said, "the seat is empty". "This is incredible", said the man. "Who in their right mind would
have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sport event in the world, and not use it?"
Somberly, the man says, "Well...the seat actually belongs to me. I was suppose to come here with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we have not been together since we got married in 1967."
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find some one else - a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The man shakes his head, "No.. They're all at the funeral."
**************************************************************
Anything having to do with Snow can't be very funny, Unless it includes a blond, says Ole Grouchy
It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation.
She finally remembered her daddy's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it, that way she would not get stuck in a snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it.
As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions.
After an hour had passed, she was somewhat surprised when the snowplow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window.
The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been following him for a long time. She said that she was fine and told him of her daddy's advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard.
The driver replied that it was ok with him and she could continue if she wanted, but he was done with the Wal-Mart parking lot and was going over to Sears next.
**************************************************************
Dave Snavely sents in this report on the latest Green World activities.
**************************************************************
An old Navy Chief and an old Marine Gunny were sitting at the VFW arguing about who'd had the tougher career:
'I did 30 years in the Corps,' the Marine declared proudly, and fought in three of my country's wars. Fresh out of boot camp I hit the beach at Okinawa , clawed my way up the blood-soaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade. As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General Macarthur. We pushed the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire. Finally, as a gunny sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through the mud and razor grass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire by day and mortar fire all night. In a firefight, we'd fire until our arms ached and our guns were empty, then we charge the enemy with bayonets'.
'Aye', said the Sailor with a dismissive wave of his hand. 'Lucky bastard, all shore duty, huh?
**************************************************************
Source
WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
Feburary 2009 - Week 2
Saturday April 25, 2009 - 10:49pm (EDT) Permanent Link 0 Comments
Speak for yourself Jim.....
Dave Snavely sends us this terrible about California cutbacks.
Latest California State budget cut - K9's
********************************************************************
Sent in by Jim Dempsey. Speak for yourself Jim.....
Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!
01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
04. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?
05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
07. Things you buy now won't wear out.
08. You can eat supper at 4 pm.
09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15 . Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list.
And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
********************************************************************
Dan Horn says you have to Love that Maxine!
Maxine was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Looking up toward heaven, she said, 'Lord, take pity on me, if you find me a parking place I will go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up sex and tequila.'
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
She looked up again and said, 'Never mind. I found one.'
********************************************************************
Source
WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
March 2009 - Week 4
Saturday April 25, 2009 - 12:36am (EDT) Permanent Link 0 Comments
How to hold a beer when you are riding your Harley
********************************************************************
Charles Murawski sent in this photo of one solution to an age old problem. I tried it but couldn't get it to work....
How to hold a beer when you are riding your Harley
********************************************************************
The Ugly Frog
An older lady was somewhat lonely and decided she needed a pet to keep her company. So, off to the pet shop she went. She searched and searched. None of the pets seemed to catch her interest, except this ugly frog. As she walked by the jar he was in, she looked and he winked at her.
*
*
He whispered, 'I'M SO LONELY, TOO. BUY ME AND TAKE ME HOME. YOU WON'T EVER BE SORRY.'
*
*
The old lady figured, what the heck! She hadn't found anything else. So, she bought the frog. She placed him in the car, on the front seat beside her. As she was slowly driving down the road, the frog whispered to her ' KISS ME AND YOU WON'T BE SORRY.'!
*
*
So! The old lady figured, WHAT THE HECK, and kissed the frog.
*
*
*
IMMEDIATELY the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, sexy, young, handsome prince
THE PRINCE THEN RETURNED THE OLD LADY'S KISS.
SUDDENLY THE OLD LADY FELT HERSELF TRANSFORMING FROM HIS KISS. NOW CAN YOU GUESS WHAT THE OLD LADY TURNED INTO?
COME ON GUESS!
*
*
*
*
* SHE TURNED INTO THE FIRST HOLIDAY INN SHE COULD FIND!!!
Source
WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
January 2009 - Week 4
Saturday April 25, 2009 - 12:04am (EDT) Permanent Link 0 Comments
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