let's work on your hearing
let's work on your hearing magnify
let's work on your hearing
288 magnify
An old lady goes to the doctor and says,
"Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office.
You didn't know I was farting because they didn't smell and are silent".
The doctor says "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady goes back, "Doctor," she says,
"I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, they stink terribly."
"Good", the doctor said. "Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing".
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Date: Fri, 11 May 2007 16:48:54 -0700 (PDT)
From: Send an Instant Message "Lynn Seals"
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Subject: Fwd: FW: I hope you
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* Lynn Seals, 51
* Smyrna, Georgia US
* School: Life
Date: Wed, 16 May 2007 12:57:17 -0700 (PDT)
From: Send an Instant Message "Lynn Seals"
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Subject: Fwd: FW: Gas Trouble. An old lady goes to the doctor and says" LOL
Tuesday October 2, 2007 - 11:07am (EDT) Permanent Link | 0 Comments
A Trip to Wal-Mart
A Trip to Wal-Mart magnify
Wayne Paddack has figuared it out!
Subject: A Trip to Wal-Mart
You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house. Mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty. Covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit, shorts with the hole in crotch, old t-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes. br Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete the job. Depending on your age you might do the following.
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from your buddy's bait shop and it says, "I Got Worms".
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose off the dog crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready too. Don't' even notice the dog crap on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember that you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Pass gas out loud and you think someone called out your name. The old lady that greeted you at the front door went to school with you.
In your 90's:
Stop what you are doing.
******************************************
Charles Murawski is making the rounds down in Texas and found this Texas Tit Bar he would like to share.
source
http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK3.HTM
Warning!!! CAVALRY TROOPER JOKES. NOT FOR THE INNOCENT OF HEART
WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
August 2007 - Week 3
Tuesday October 2, 2007 - 11:02am (EDT) Permanent Link | 0 Comments
"I can fix it myself for a whole lot less than that!"
"I can fix it myself for a whole lot less than that!" magnify
Dan Thompson.
Air Condition Repair
When the man at the auto repair shop told me that it would cost $1400 to fix my car's air conditioning, I just laughed at him and said, "I can fix it myself for a whole lot less than that!"
MY MOMMA DIDN'T RAISE NO FOOL !!!!!!!
********************************************************
George Villanueva
Jocks Vs Nerds
Michael Jordan having "retired," with $40 million in endorsements, makes $178,100 a day, working or not. If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head. If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $7.00, but he'll make $18,550 while he's there. If he decides to have a 5-minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it. He makes $7,415/hour more than minimum wage. If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours. If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they
would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second. He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round. He'll make about $19.60 while watching the 100-meter dash in the Olympics, and about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon . This year, he'll make more than twice as much as all U.S. Past presidents for all of their terms combined. Amazing isn't it? However... If Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 500 years, he'll still have less than Bill Gates has at this very moment. Game over. Nerd wins
********************************************************
source
http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK3.HTM
WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
September 2007 - Week 3
Tuesday October 2, 2007 - 11:00am (EDT) Permanent Link | 0 Comments
Never argue with a woman who reads
Never argue with a woman who reads magnify
Charles Murawski found a good one!
One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.
Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?").
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the Game Warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
source:
http://www.quarterhorsecav.org/WEEK1.HTM
WELCOME TO OLE' BILL'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
August 2007 - Week 1
Tuesday October 2, 2007 - 10:58am (EDT) Permanent Link | 0 Comments
Job Promotions........
Job Promotions........ magnify
Signing Off
Devil's Own
Animesh
http://360.yahoo.com/anijay_007
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Anijay
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Date: Tue, 31 Jul 2007 09:02:28 +0100 (BST)
From: Send an Instant Message "Animesh Jayaswal"
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Subject: Fwd: Job Promotions........
To: "Animesh Jayeswal"
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